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Legacy Pop Stars Face No Sales Despite Fans: Mariah Carey’s New Single, Richie Sambora’s Return Met with Indifference

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Mariah Carey is a superstar, no doubt about it.

But at 56 years old, she is unappealing to “record” buyers.

Her latest single, “Sugar Sweet,” came and went in a week.

Total sales including streaming were just 1,733 in paid downloads.

Streaming brings the total to 19,941 in sales.

The song was average, a throwaway, and had nothing new to offer anyone. It followed another flop, “Type Dangerous.”

None of this bodes well for Carey’s late September album release.

Mariah is not alone. Former Bon Jovi guitar slinger and singer Richie Sambora just dropped a single called “Born to Rock.” Luminate is reporting almost no sales, really, just 80 equivalent copies.

The video for “Born to Rock” has 12,000 views.

Madonna, once the Queen of Pop, is in a similar bind. A remix album called “Veronica Electronica,” is almost non existent. Madonna has sold 2,576 paid downloads of a total 3,709 including streaming.

It’s a good thing Madge was counting on paying her Con Ed bill with those receipts.

Of course, all these artists are wealthy and settled. So these releases are more like vanity projects. They could be more, I guess, if they made an effort to make an interesting record and market it with some flair. But these records — or whatever we should call them — are empty gestures in the end.

PS I liked Richie Sambora’s single, but no effort was put into it at all.

Woody Allen’s Birthday Letter to Jeffrey Epstein Wasn’t Exactly Complimentary: Called Him Count Dracula and Didn’t Like the Food

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The New York Times has a great report today on Jeffrey Epstein’s townhouse.

Among other things, they found the notes his dinner guests sent for inclusion in a 63rd birthday book.

Famed movie director Woody Allen and wife Soon Yi Previn were nearby neighbors, and sometimes invited to dinner parties along with other famous people in the area.

The Times found Woody’s birthday note calling Epstein Dracula, and complaining about the food.

After this letter was received, it’s hard to imagine the Allens were invited back. But Woody was also there to observe a character or possible adaptation into a movie, play, or story.

This reminds me of a time I went to look at a massive apartment on the Upper East Side in a new building. The only furniture in the many rooms was a ping pong table, and the guy who lived there invited us to play. We declined. It was David Lynch before David Lynch.

Here’s the letter from Woody. It’s a classic!

Pop Star Sam Smith’s Brooklyn Residency is Called “To Be Free,” But it Costs Up to $547 a Ticket for Standing Only

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Pop star Sam Smith is coming to Brooklyn this October.

His big hit was called “I’ll Stand By You.” Smith really means it, too. 

He’s doing 12 shows at the Warsaw club in Greenpoint, which has a capacity of 1,000.

All the tickets are General Admission. Standing room only, to put it bluntly. No sitting.

The show is called “To Be Free.” But don’t be misled. There’s nothing free about it.

Tickets are almost $600 including fees for balcony tickets at some shows. And that’s before secondary brokers like Stub Hub amp it up closer to the dates.

 

Watch Trailer: George Clooney Sends Himself Up and Looks Awards-Bound in Noah Baumbach’s New “Jay Kelly” with Adam Sandler

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Noah Baumbach’s “Jay Kelly” looks very, very good.

The new dramedy is a satire and “an adult coming of age story” starring George Clooney as a movie star at a cross roads. Laura Dern is his publicist and Adam Sandler is his agent.

The great Emily Mortimer co-wrote the screenplay with Baumbach. There are about two dozen name actors in the cast including filmmaker Greta Gerwig, who’s also married to Baumbach.

This trailer should make everyone excited for Clooney and Baumbach, and Sandler — who was so good in Baumbach’s “Meyerowitz Stories” — to hit awards gold this season.

Incendiary “South Park” Is Back Tomorrow Night, with More on Trump-Satan Romance, ICE Raids, and Abortion (Teaser)

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“South Park” is back tomorrow night with a new, incendiary episode.

After the first episode of this new season 27, almost 7 million people were counted as viewers.

Donald Trump himself has remained silent after episode 1 showed off his teeny penis, portrayed him as a fat slob expiring in desert, and having a fling with Satan.

Trump and Satan are now a couple in the new teaser, and ICE raids are on the menu in the episode called “Got a Nut,” in which Mr. Mackay loses his job and desperately tries to find a new way to make a living.

The teaser is just the tip of the iceberg for the Comedy Central-Paramount Plus. Matt Stone and Trey Parker are pushing the envelope with their new $1.5 billion contract.

Viva “South Park”!

Marge Simpson aka the Great Julie Kavner Narrates James L. Brooks’s First Feature Film in 15 Years

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James L. Brooks is back.

No one has a resume like Brooks, creator of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” and “Taxi,” director of “Broadcast News,” “Terms of Endearment,” “As Good As it Gets,” “Spanglish.”

Brooks also created The “Tracey Ullman Show,” from which “The Simpsons” sprang.

Now he’s got “Ella McCay,” featuring an all-star cast including the similarly named Emma Mackey, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jack Lowden, Kumail Nanjiani, Ayo Edebiri, Spike Fearn, Rebecca Hall, Becky Ann Baker, Joey Brooks with Albert Brooks and Woody Harrelson.

The great Julie Kavner appears on screen and is the film’s narrator. She has been the voice of Marge Simpson for 36 years, but the comedy legend is beloved from the “Mary Tyler Moore” spin off, “Rhoda,” as the main character’s sister, Brenda.

Kavner was part of Woody Allen’s repertory company for a while, appearing in “Radio Days,” “Hannah and Her Sisters,” “Alice,” “Shadows and Fog,” “New York Stories,” “Deconstructing Harry,” and the TV production of “Don’t Drink the Water.”

She also starred in Nora Ephron’s lost gem, “This is My Life,” a kind of early “Mrs. Maisel” story written by Meg Wolitzer, and worth a look on streaming.

It’s so good to see Kavner back on screen, and Brooks — who’s 85! — back in the director’s chair. Maybe everything will be okay, after all.

Law & Disorder: “SVU” and “Organized Crime” are Now a Metaverse That Will Reunite Benson and Stabler Again

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Hold on, because there are a lot of changes coming to “SVU” and “Organized Crime” in September.

Call it “Law & Disorder.”

First: “Organized Crime,” the Chris Meloni drama that never found its footing on NBC, was sent to Peacock last spring.

Now, NBC is going to show all those episodes on NBC not in the summer but right after “SVU” at 10pm as if they were new. So if you don’t have Peacock, or thought “OC” was cancelled, it’s back.

As they used to say on NBC, if you never saw it, it’s new to you!

With the return of “OC” (because a promised show never materialized), Chris Meloni is coming back to “SVU” as Elliot Stabler in the continuing platonic romance with Mariska Hargitay’s Olivia Benson. These people are 60 years old and for 30 years have never consummated their relationship. Not even a real kiss. They will be doing this an old age home one day!

Two actors from “SVU’s” almost 30 year old history are coming back, too. Dean Winters — who’s made a fortune doing insurance commercials — and BD Wong, who was once a Broadway star, are returning to their old roles.

Also, Kelli Giddish — who was knocked to recurring status after 12 seasons — is coming back as a regular as Rollins. Octavio Pisano, whose character was sent off to greener pastures at the end of last season, is back nevertheless in the season premiere.

Where have these characters been? Frozen in time, apparently. Benson will thaw them out. Listen, the reruns are so ubiquitous that time has no meaning on “SVU.” It’s all become a metaverse!

It also looks like maybe Dann Florek will make a cameo as Captain Cragen.

So NBC has returned producer Dick Wolf to his Thursday kingdom. He’ll kic off the season with a three way “Law & Order” crossover on September 25th.

What will happen to “Organized Crime” after last spring’s episodes run out? Hard to say. Meloni just signed to star in an HBO series, so it may be a while before “Organized Crime” returns again. Or if ever. Or maybe this is Wolf’s way of just reintegrating him onto “SVU.”

Check your Wonder Ball for more information!

Rupert Murdoch Expanding NY Post to West Coast with Print, Online Edition Full of Right Wing News

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Rupert Murdoch is still out there, kicking.

He’s expanding the NY Post to the west coast with something called The California Post.

There will be print and online editions pushing the NY Post’s right wing politics, hysterical rants, and often fictionalized stories.

Stories we only find in the NY Post on the east coast will now be scattered like cancer in Los Angeles and San Francisco.

This includes all the nutty stuff from the columnists who without facts rail against Democrats, including Biden, Obama, Hillary Clinton, Kamala Harris, and so on.

The Post also promotes Donald Trump like NFL cheerleaders, promoting his brand of lunacy on a daily basis.

Will California respond to this craziness? With the Los Angeles Times in so much turmoil, and local papers disappearing, this is probably a savvy move.

You have to wonder what Trump has to do with this behind the scenes, by the way. He’s desperate to destroy Gavin Newsom, and Murdoch is no doubt happy to join him.

Read the Post’s announcement here.

Donald Trump Calls Sydney Sweeney Commercial for Good Jeans “HOTTEST” After Learning She’s a Republican

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Since Donald Trump spells blonde bombshell Sudney Sweeney’s name “Sidney”in a new tweet, he probably thought she was a man up til this weekend.

Then her controversial ad campaign for Good Jeans was pointed out to him, and the fact that she’s a Republican.

Now, misspelling her first name, he says her commercials is all caps the HOTTEST. He’s nothing if not consistent.

Justin Bieber, Who Wrestles with Mental Illness and Depression, Posts Pictures Shooting M9 Assault Rifle Banned in Canada

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Justin Bieber, heavily tattooed and almost always shirtless, is the epitome of the white trash pop star.

Now the 31 year old father of a toddler is revealing himself even more with shocking pictures and videos. For the first time, we see — thanks to his own social media posts –Bieber shooting an M9 Assault Rifle, banned in Canada.

For years, Bieber has pleaded mental health issues, so owning and/or shooting an assault rifle might be considered a problem. In the pictures he’s also shooting a Beretta M9 pistol.

This is your American Idol (see first picture below). He’s arbitrarily cancelled tours, backed himself into financial peril, spat on unwitting pedestrians. He made a scene in Amsterdam years ago when he wrote in the guest book at the Anne Frank house that he was sure the famed victim of the Holocaust “would have been a Belieber.”

He also frequently posts about his devotion to Jesus.

Bieber’s new album, “Swag,” is dead in the water with fewer than 300,000 copies sold.

How does wife Hailey Baldwin feel about all this? Bieber posted a selfie with the comment” “Broke another olive branch.”

PS Many commenters on Instagram have pointed out that Bieber commands his machine gun in pastel colored slippers, which may be the most egregious part of this story.