Monday, December 22, 2025
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Mad Men: Don Draper Debates the Bikini

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In Sunday’s season premiere of “Mad Men,” the Sterling Cooper boys pitch their ideas to the people who own Jantzen swimwear. This “family company” from Portland, Oregon was founded in 1910 and still exists in the same building where it was born, believe it or not!

And that’s the problem: in the show, the man who seems to be playing Carl Jantzen, is kind of a conservative hick who puts his feet up on the coffee table in the Sterling Cooper office. He refuses to allow the word “bikini” but prefers the term “two piece bathing suit.” Don Draper (Jon Hamm), of course, doesn’t like this at all. After all, Brian Hyland‘s hit record, “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” had already been a hit four years earlier, in 1960. He wants to sell sex. The Jantzens want to sell bathing suits.

I checked out the website for Jantzen. You should, too. Compared to the world of Victoria’s Secret, the Jantzen swimsuits are pretty, but they look like something from the…1920s. Jantzen favors one piece suits, no thongs (god forbid), and very little in the way of sexy. They’re practical bathing suits! I do believe Portland is landlocked. California beaches must seem so decadent!

Angelina Jolie in Salt: Movie for Schmucks

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Where do we begin with a movie that makes no sense whatsoever and has a great actor–Andre Braugher–reciting half a line in a quarter of a scene buried toward its end?

This is “Salt,” and you can take it with a grain of. Angelina Jolie deserves a lot of credit because if she hadn’t played rogue CIA agent Evelyn Salt–a role originally intended for Tom CruisePhilip Noyce‘s action thriller would really be bonkers. As it is, if you follow Angie, you’re in good shape. Her Salt–named Edwin in the Cruise version that wasn’t made–is Batman, Wonder Woman, and Spider Man all rolled into one. She’s a cartoon character in a cartoon movie.

Salt is blissfully short in length and coherence. Liev Schreiber, who’s such a good theater actor, has an implacable look on his face that says: Something has to pay for all those Hamlet and Arthur Miller stuff on Broadway. Chiewetel Eijofor maintains his cool, but also seems to be thinking, “This will pay the mortgage.”

As for director Noyce, he has a long, impressive record of good films. “The Quiet American” is his gem, but he also has “Clear and Present Danger,” “Dead Calm,” and “Rabbit Proof Fence” on his resume.

“Salt” has lots of explosions and set action pieces, all of which are pure visceral entertainment. Some of them, though, are just laughable given the circumstances. Angie’s big escape scene near the start of the film is almost like a parody of a Tom Cruise movie. She leaps from a bridge to a truck to an oil tanker, all of them in motion, with nary a scrape. It’s hilarious. It’s like the “Batman” TV show. You almost expect to see a big colorful Pow! or Splat! on the screen.

Most of “Salt” is an on-the-run formula pic about a CIA agent (Jolie) who might be good or bad, we don’t know. Then, since it’s already a mindless blur, it becomes “Fail Safe.” We have 30 seconds to stop the launching of deadly missiles to Russia! The movie jumps a shark and a couple of dolphins.

Then, to add insult to injury, the camera pans across Andre Braugher. Is he just sitting in the command center by accident? He has no character or role. He might be playing a desk lamp. He has grey hair. We gasp. We weep. His name is buried in the credits. Well, everyone needs to keep their SAG health insurance active, I guess.

Should you stick to a “Salt”-free diet? It’s a popcorn film, and the air conditioning is worth it. Also watch the scene where Angie is trying to shoot her way through a door. She keeps pulling out gun after gun, each succeeding one getting bigger and bigger. It’s like a scene from Bugs Bunny. It’s fun. Everyone claps. People talk back to the screen. It’s summer.

Looking forward to the sequel, “Pepper.”

Katie Couric Now “Like A Free Agent”

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Katie Couric is now “like a free agent” in the news equivalent of sports, according to a friend who I spoke to today.

Couric’s contract with CBS ends May 31st. In this week’s New York Magazine online, Couric found herself suddenly in a tug of war: on her team, CBS chief Les Moonves, CBS News Chief Sean McManus and CBS Evening News producer Rick Kaplan. On the other side: Paul Friedman, CBS News Executive Vice President.

Despite having many backers at CBS, Katie has one enemy: Friedman (who is no relation to this reporter).

“Paul Friedman’s wanted her out from the beginning,” says a source.

CBS waited too long if they wanted Couric to leave the Evening News now. Replacements such as these would be made over the summer, the same as Christiane Amanpour taking over from George Stephanopolous at ABC’s “This Week.” So now Couric serves out her term. But she’s in the driver’s seat.

When Couric took over at the Evening News, it’s pointed out, Dan Rather had severely crippled their position. And even though Couric had a rough ratings start, she’s firmly in control now. She’s also established herself on line.

What happens now is interesting; with Oprah Winfrey leaving daytime, and still a lot of questions about Rosie O’Donnell’s upcoming show, Couric could leave CBS News, go into syndication and make a mint. She’s the perfect 4pm host, an actual journalist who can handle news stories and fluff.

If Couric goes that route, and leaves CBS, the network is then in a dicey situation. For the last two days it’s been suggested that Scott Pelley could replace her anchorman. No offense, but Scott Pelley is about as exciting as spackle. CBS would really have to come up with someone with a little electricity–maybe Anderson Cooper, in a deal with CNN.

Couric is also very friendly with Jeff Zucker at NBC. although that network has its own issues. Zucker may leave when the Comcast deal goes through. And there’s no real place to put her–she won’t go back to the Today show, and Dateline is no place for a superstar. “The Office,” however, will need a replacement for Steve Carell’s Michael Scott. No one could handle Dwight better than Katie Couric!

Ken Starr: Jailed Hollywood Money Manager Hidden Treasures

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Ken Starr is still in jail today, despite attempts to get bail. The imprisoned money manager is charged with defrauding dozens of celebrity clients of at least $59 million. Some of the names include Uma Thurman, Carly Simon, Al Pacino, Neil Simon, Lauren Bacall and Mike Nichols.

The government is building its case against Starr and looking for his assets. They might be interested to know that Starr has four automobiles that might not have been on anyone’s list.

Recently an auto insurance company sent out a letter because Starr was behind on his payments. The cars are a 2010 Yukon Denali, and three Mercedes.

The Denali is the most interesting because its policy carried the name of another driver. That driver, it’s suspected, may have been chauffeuring around Marisa Starr, Ken’s ex wife and mother of his two younger children. The Starrs divorced in May 2007. As I reported a few weeks ago, Marisa Starr got a very nice settlement package from her ex: $750,000 a year in perpetuity, plus a possible extra cash lump sum settlement and a $2,500 a week salary from Starr & Co. investment advisers.

“She knows where all the bodies are buried,” says a source.

Marisa Starr’s divorce arrangement with Ken Starr should be of interest to prosecutors. Even though the couple was divorced, Marisa was still living like she married to Starr.

Ron Starr, who worked as the head of Starr & Co. wrote a two page memo to his father in April 2009 about Marisa Starr‘s spending. I’ve seen the memo. Ron Starr, copying the company’s controller Roseann Ragano, complained: “This is why Marisa’s expenses must stop.” He itemized vacations, personal charges, and her boyfriend’s bills.

The cars are probably just a few of the things Starr has secretly hidden — from everyone. In the meantime, considering how the Feds went after Bernie Madoff’s associate Walter Noel and his entire family today–those close to Starr– from ex wife Marisa to various business associates–should be on alert.

All Hail Cyndi Lauper, She’s Got the Blues

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Cyndi Lauper is a savvy survivor. Of course, she’s not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And it’s a scandal. Lauper is the real deal. Not only does she have the hits, she’s also a multi talented musician and composer who constantly reinvents herself.

On Wednesday night, she showed off her latest invention: the blues. Her new album, “Memphis Blues,” is the genuine artifact, made with loving care and the actual musicians. In concert at Town Hall, she brought along not only legendary Charlie Musselwhite but also the great Allen Toussaint as guest stars. You’ve never seen Madonna do this before a show started: Lauper, eyes welling up, introduced her amazing band and then said what an honor it was to play with them.

It’s really a tribute to Lauper that she’s been able to adapt to the blues. The audience still wants “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.” But that’s from more than 25 years ago. If you haven’t stayed in that time warp, then you know Cyndi has moved on constantly. Her albums, particularly 1993’s “Hatful of Stars,” are beautifully crafted gems that long ago jettisoned the kitschiness of her first record and videos for something far more complex.

Her show is still a hoot, though. Mixed in with the blues are rambling anecdotes and Lauper asides. Her natural sense of humor cannot be denied. She tells a disarming story, and gets serious. “Go on Google and look this music up,” she advised the audience about the blues. It’s an educational two hours. She’s like Gracie Allen: kooky on the outside, brilliant on the inside. (If you’re too young to get that, Gracie Allen was married to George Burns. Look them up on YouTube.)

Toussaint stayed for just two numbers–“Early in the Morning” and “Shattered Dreams.” If Lauper hadn’t already had a keyboard player, maybe Toussaint would have stayed for the best number of the night, “Mother Earth.” He’s featured on all three on the album. Even without him, “Mother Earth” — sandwiched between a couple of Cyndi’s pop hits–is a masterpiece. It’s as if they were archeologists discovering the Lost Ark. When they’re finally forced into “Girls,”  and “Change of Heart,” the band reimagines them with Musselwhite wailing away on his harmonica. “True Colors,” the finale, which Lauper plays on dulcimer, and which you thought you’d heard enough, sends shivers down the spine.

All hail Cyndi Lauper. And for god’s sake, get her into the Rock Hall already. Unlike Madonna, she’ll actually perform at the ceremony.

Photos c2010 Ann Lawlor

Lost Auction Set for August: Polar Bear Not Included

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I want the blue VW van from the Dharma Initiative!

And you can have it, too. All the stuff from “Lost” is going up for auction on August 21st and 22nd.

You can see it all at http://www.profilesinhistory.com/lost-auction-preview/lost-auction-preview/page-5-5.html

Mr. Eko’s Jesus stick, Desmond’s photo of himself and Penny, Charlie’s ring, Daniel Faraday’s journal with all the time travel scribblings–they’re all part of the deal.

There are some pretty odd, expensive things in there too: Locke’s wheelchair, Jin’s Rolex, and the Swan station turntable and projector, as well as the pearl necklace Sun’s Korean lover gave to her.

But I do want that van. It’s the coolest.

And, no, the Smoke Monster, the polar bear, and stuff from the Hatch don’t seem to be included.

Six Feet Under Actor Freddy Rodriguez Ready for Chaos

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Chaos reigns.

The Brett Ratner produced CBS series about CIA agents is on again after nearly being killed by corporate network warfare.

Sources tell me that star Freddy Rodriguez, who was so good in “Six Feet Under” and the movie “Bobby,” is all set to play the lead. The rest of the cast is secure as well, despite contrary reports.

CBS and 20th Century Fox Television will make “Chaos” as a joint venture for CBS TV after weeks of playing tug of war with Ratner and the show’s creator.

At the center of their disagreements was money, of course, and location. CBS wanted to shoot “Chaos” in Dallas, where Ratner made “Prison Break.” The only problem is, “Chaos” needs an international feel, with good locations and sets. Now that Ratner and co. have won the right to do the show properly, it will be returned to Hollywood.

By the way, the great Irish actor Stephen Rea co-stars in “Chaos.” It’s getting crazy how many terrific movie and theater actors are now in TV shows. Christine Baranski is in “The Good Wife,” for example. Lorraine Bracco is in “Rizzoli and Isles.” And Martha Plimpton has a new series on Fox.

Tom Cruise: Knight and Day Worst Box Office Since 1992

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Tom Cruise can only look at the box office results for “Knight and Day” and shudder.

The film will cross the $70 million mark this week. But it’s unlikely it will get to $75 million domestically. It’s his worst performance at the box office since “Far and Away” in 1992.

Even “Valkyrie” did better, with a total of $83 million. It would be hard to imagine “Knight and Day” ever getting close to that number.

Internationally, “K&D” has done better of course. Where English has not been a first language, audiences haven’t minded the travelogue vanity caper. The film has yet to open in the U.K., Spain, France or Italy. Cruise may get some action there. So far the box office abroad has come to just over $60 million.

But just think: “Inception” has made in four days what it’s taken “K&D” almost a month to rake in.

The only movie with which Cruise has been associated recently that’s done worse was “Lions for Lambs,” but that was a film that also featured Meryl Streep and Robert Redford in a kind of weird experiment.

Paramount will hope that “Mission Impossible 4” will be its own draw, and that Cruise’s negative factors will be outweighed by the series’ built in appeal. The odds are “MI4” will feature Cruise surrounded by a team of spies including some new hot actors. Did I hear Taylor Lautner? Also, in this age of vampire-mania, they could resurrect Cruise’s character from “Interview with the Vampire” as his doppleganger. Just some ideas!

But Cruise may have to face the fact that his big run of $100 million films is over. It was good while it lasted. But box office, unlike diamonds, is not forever. Just ask Sylvester Stallone and a handful of stars who made it big in the 1980s. Cruise would be well advised to concentrate on character roles like the one he played in “Tropic Thunder.”

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Could Be French Starlet

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The casting is on for the ingenue to star in “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.”

Yes. every young actress wants to play Lisbeth Salander in Stieg Larsson‘s trilogy. The British press has already suggested Ellen Page, Carey Mulligan and a lot of new, now usual, suspects.

Alas, I am told that there’s a new girl in the pack, and once her screen test is done, she may be in the lead. That would Lea Seydoux. The oung actress is like royalty in France, too, where her family is famous: her grandfather was the chairman of Pathe Studios and her uncle was the head of Gaumont.

Lea has already made her impact in  movies. She’s in the opening scene of “Inglourious Basterds,” one of the girls on the French farm. And she the “French pastry”–aka Elinor of Aquitaine–whom King John (Oscar Isaac) bedded early on in “Robin Hood.” My friend Baz Bamigboye of the Daily Mail in London noted last May that Lea Seydoux would be the next breakout international star.

All those American and British stars had better start worrying. I am told that the movie’s producers are enthused about Lea. And it’s not hard to see why!

PS So far Daniel Craig is on track to play the male lead character, Mikael Blomkist.

Katie Holmes Gets “Extra” Credit for Movie Premiere

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Katie Holmes blew into town to attend Monday night’s New York premiere of “The Extra Man.” She briefly walked the red carpet, avoiding the screening and after party, before moving on to Toronto for an early call to the set of the tv mini-series “The Kennedys.” She plays Jackie Onassis, a role not unlike the one she plays in real life as Mrs. Tom Cruise.

Expected not to attend, Katie was brave to support writer/director Shari Springer Berman and her co-stars Kevin Kline and Paul Dano considering that many reviewers after the movie’s opening at Sundance found her performance “weak.”

As Mary, Holmes plays a vegan office mate and heart throb for Paul Dano’s Louis Ives, a nerdy devotee of F. Scott Fitzgerald‘s “The Great Gatsby” with a taste for cross dressing; in one scene he sports a black lace teddy you may wish to have seen on Holmes, were she not slated for the “straight man” role in a movie that abounds in eccentrics.

It’s hard to say whether the part was written lamely, or if Holmes is just lackluster in it. The days of “Pieces of April” are farther and farther away.

Kevin Kline as Henry Harrison heads this quirky concoction of character actors, the extra man or social escort to haute monde matrons. Lynn Cohen and the magnificent Marian Seldes cheered him on from the audience. Tracey Ullman, scouting for a seat, could have rounded out this eccentric cast.

Before the screening began, writer/director Shari Springer Berman (her partner Robert Pulcini was absent),  dedicated the opening at the Village East Cinema to the memory of recently deceased Harvey Pekar. “American Splendor,” also directed by Berman and Pulcini, was based on his work.

Novelist Jonathan Ames–creator of HBO’s Bored to Death as well as the author of the novel on which The Extra Man is based–was next at the microphone. He performed three yelps, which sounded like a Shofar being blown on the High Holidays. Yes. he yelped. Loudly.  It was fairly odd. Ames also noted that this location on 2nd Avenue was a one-time Yiddish Theater

Vapiano, a new pizza and pasta emporium on University Place was packed for the after party. Guests queued up for individually created servings of carbonara, or pesto, allowing diners — like Mrs. Kevin Kline aka Phoebe Cates, Sean Lennon, Samantha Mathis, Drew Nieporent, Zoe Kazan, designer Cynthia Rowley, Eli Tahari, Patrick Demarchelier, actress Yaya DeCosta, Eammon Bowles, Rachel Dratch, Judah Friedlander, Dan Hedaya– to exert some eccentricity of their own.