Edie Brickell, Paul Simon and their whole family are probably in love with Alicia Keys right now. The reason? Alicia’s latest single, “Blended Family,” is based entirely on Edie’s early 90s hit “What I Am.”

I hadn’t heard “Blended Family” until this morning. But now I realize that like most of Alicia’s recordings, it should be called “Blended Song.”

The whole song is supported by the guitar lick from “What I Am.” It sounds like Alicia just sampled it and stuck it on her record. Why bother playing it yourself?

All of Edie’s New Bohemians are listed in the songwriting credits, too. Imagine this– last night I went to a party for Carole Bayer Sager. She wrote all of her songs herself, maybe with one or at most two collaborators. No sampling! All those hits and they were original!

Alicia has great, catchy hits. But nearly all of them are based on other, older and often obscure songs. “Empire State of Mind” comes from “Love on a Two Way Street.” “You Don’t Know My Name” came from a Main Ingredient song. And so on.

I do like the Rocky A$AP rap in “Blended Family.” But musically, the record is just about the guitar lick. And the Brickell-Simons raking in some $, I hope!

Seriously, when Alicia Keys first started out in 2000 I thought she was amazing. I was so excited that she played the piano, she knew composition, she could write her own songs. I thought she was a throwback to writers like Carole Bayer Sager and Carole King. But she’s not. She’s a Mixed Media artist or something. If you turned work in like this in sixth grade you’d get an F and told you were guilty of plagiarism. Now, it’s rewarded!

Edie and the New Bohemians
 

Alicia Keys

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame named 19 nominees today for induction for 2017.

But only five of those will actually be inducted, starting with Pearl Jam and the late Tupac Shakur. So this was just lip service, as they say.

The great Maureen van Zandt, wife of E Street Band’s Steven van Zandt, wrote this morning on Twitter: “I’m starting my own Rock Hall of Fame & this year will be inducting Free, Bad Company, Harry Nilsson, The Raspberries & Link Wray.”

If only. What a great selection. But it’s not going to happen. There’s no intention of the RRHOF doing anything differently. I love that they nominated a punk band 8 people care about called Bad Brains. That characterizes the whole situation.

Of the remaining 17 nominees, the most likely inductee is Jeff Lynne and his Electric Light Orchestra. Lynne is a long time friend of Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr, as well of Bob Dylan and many other stars whose name Jann Wenner needs. It’s not that ELO doesn’t deserve it, they are beloved. But still, this is the way it will happen.

Tupac will cover the black thing for Wenner. He doesn’t like real R&B acts, even Janet Jackson. But a dead rapper– that’s a PR hook.

J Geils Band made the list– listen, if they don’t get in this time, Peter Wolf should just take their name out of the running and send Wenner a horse’s head in his bed. Wolf has done everything but carry Wenner’s luggage to the ceremonies over the years. Wenner has treated him like dirt. Enough already.

Joan Baez made the list! Amazing. Again, the Dylan connection and the possibility that he might come and induct her makes Joan a very hot prospect. Wenner could also have Robbie Robertson and a “Band”-like group perform “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down,” which was their song but Baez popularized. Dylan might play! Wenner is tearing up now at this thought.

The rest of the nominees include Depeche Mode, Jane’s Addiction, Janet Jackson, Journey, the Cars, the Zombies, Yes, Chaka Khan, Chic, Joe Tex, Kraftwerk, MC5 and Steppenwolf.

click here for the update– who was nominated?

Something wicked this way comes: the annual announcement of nominees for induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Yes, it’s a sad joke at this point, the whole thing. There are dozens of great names from every part of popular music who are not in the Rock Hall– and will never be. Some of it is because Jann Wenner has blocked them. Some of it is because the nominating committee was cleaned out last year to encourage younger voters with no memory or allegiance to people who’ve been bypassed.

So tomorrow we will get Pearl Jam and Tupac Shakur, eligible for the first time. They will likely be voted in.

But then? Bon Jovi, long eligible, apparently Wenner doesn’t want them. Sting as a solo artist– Wenner wants to tickets to Sting shows but is no help otherwise. Sting’s 28 year solo career now actually eclipses his Police run.

Then there’s a raft of R&B acts and influencers who will never make it — Billy Preston, Mary Wells, Chubby Checker and so on. War, whose music has been sampled by everyone, is still not in. Rufus and Carla Thomas, the King and Queen of Stax, have been overlooked. So has the great singer Jerry Butler.

There are plenty of groups from Tommy James and the Shondells to the Moody Blues, Doobie Brothers, and so on. J Geils Band is still out despite Peter Wolf doing everything but carrying Wenner on a sedan chair to the annual dinner. Todd Rundgren, who had solo hits and is/was a major producer, is also absent. And producers– Richard Perry. Phil Ramone.

Plenty of influential singer songwriters are also missing like Carly Simon, and Carole King, who’s only in as a songwriter with Gerry Goffin but not for Tapestry. The Hall is not good with women. Joan Baez and Judy Collins are also MIA.

So tomorrow will be the annual shitstorm, with lots of complaints and head scratching. And yes, they still pay Joel Peresman over $400,000 a year to guide this ship into darkness.