Is it “Artemis Fowl” or Foul?

Well, something foul lurks for this Disney movie that was supposed to be released last summer. It was so bad, the Dizzies moved it to May 2020, then to tomorrow. And now the reckoning has come: a 14% on Rotten Tomatoes from 49 reviewers.

Kenneth Branagh directed it. You know, he’s a great actor and stage director, but with movies he’s problematic. So this isn’t a surprise. Also, you can tell from the run time– 95 minutes– that Artie has been cut and cut and cut to make sense, makes none but at least it’s short.

For Judi Dench, she can’t be too pleased. This is her second turkey since “Cats,” much less than a year ago. At least with Harvey Weinstein, she got Oscar nominations. James Bond gave her cache. But these studio movies are not her forte. She’s used to dress up a mess too often. But I guess the paycheck is good. Still, I’d like to see Dame Judi finish her career with something great.

If Disney had released “Artemis Fowl” to theaters, it would have left a stench. This way, it just floats away on DisneyPlus. It cost around $150 million, but that can be hidden in an Avengers budget certainly. This too shall pass.

Sad that we won’t have a box office report Saturday morning that reads “Artifice Foul.” Oh, for the good old days!

I’m going to give away the ending of Judd Apatow’s “The King of Staten Island,” a wonderful narrative drama with humor starring and about “Saturday Night Live” star Pete Davidson. After watching Davidson, covered in tattoos, deep shadows around his eyes, play a manchild named Scott, the movie ends a card comes up saluting Pete’s real dad, a fireman who died on September 11th. And you realize they’ve named the main character after this guy. I defy you to not be moved.

I met Pete Davidson six years ago when Lorne Michaels had a cast and press dinner for “SNL.” Pete was 21, had just started on the show, and looked like an awkward duck that had just emerged from his shell. You could tell he was quick and funny but that sadness about his dad just hung over him. Six years later, it’s still there, as we’ve watched him cling to the “SNL” raft and try to swim on his own. He’s self-conscious, shaky, and endearing. Forget about who he dates. You worry that he’s going to live til the next show.

So Judd Apatow, whose movies like “Trainweck” and “This is 40” I’ve adored, has fashioned Pete’s life into a fiction with him and spread it out into two hours and 17 minutes. “The King of Staten Island” could have been two hours with DVD extras. But since it will be available on Video on Demand, who cares? It meanders a bit, tells a little too much sometimes. But basically this is Pete Davidson’s life, you’re going to get it once, so let’s get it right. I really like this movie so much, even with its flaws. It’s a celebration of pathos.

Pete plays Scott, as I said, 24 years old, living at home in Staten Island with his mom, Margie, played to perfection by Marisa Tomei. This is an Oscar performance, my friends. This is Marisa Tomei gathering up her own life and experiences and she is absolutely lovely. If you want compare to her someone, think Gena Rowlands. This is not “Working Girl” Staten Island, there are no caricatures. It’s very organic. Tomei’s mom is widowed, her firefighter husband died when Scott was 7, and his sister was 1. She’s a nurse, she has two jobs, and Scott has failed to launch. He’s a wannabe tattoo artist who’s stoned all the time and may never leave home.

That’s the set up. From there you could order from menus you’ve seen before. She’ll find love, he’ll struggle with coming of age really late. Lessons will be learned and there will be some bumps along the road to happy endings. So why does it work? Because the writers drilled down into the characters. Because Apatow’s languid pace works as a perfect counterpoint to Davidson’s well known ADD personality. Because it’s never too glib. And because down deep, everyone likes each other, so their frailties are accepted and acceptable.

In that regard I especially like Pete’s relationships with his sister (Maude Apatow) and his erstwhile girlfriend (Bel Powley, she’ll knock you out). This script is full of rich secondary and tertiary characters, too, and their little story arcs. Moises Arias is childhood pal with a surprise twist of a story. Steve Buscemi turns up as fills out the main story as a needed authority. I loved Bill Burr as Margie’s suitor, and Pamela Adlon is a surprise gift.

A lot of this could have been cut for a theatrical release. The movie would have been as good. But we’ve got the director’s cut here, and I wouldn’t give any of it back. I can’t believe we have this and the Spike Lee movie in the same weekend, readily available to everyone. Today is my birthday (yes) and I consider them each gifts. This is my thank you note.

Rhett Butler’s fans DO give a damn!

Since HBO Max dropped “Gone with the Wind” from its service– basically calling it racist– the most popular movie in history is selling out.

Eight different versions of the DVD are on Amazon’s top 50. There’s also a DVD of Joanne Whalley Kilmer in a Scarlett O’Hara miniseries, making it 9 spots.

The paperback and hardcover editions of Margaret Mitchell’s bestseller are also climbing their respective best seller lists.

HBO Max says it will bring back “Gone with the Wind” with some kind of context but doesn’t explain. They fail to recall that Hattie McDaniel became the first black actress to win an Oscar, in 1939, for her work as Mammy. McDaniel was an actress, a real person, and now her great achievement is being overlooked.

Ironically, I’ve read that there are people who want “The Help” somehow excised from streaming. Octavia Spencer won an Oscar for that movie. So two of the few instances in which black women have won Oscars are now in danger of being removed. Was that what these critics wanted?

Well, Hattie may be getting her revenge from the beyond. She wasn’t treated so well in good old Hollywood. She wasn’t allowed to sit with her co-stars at the 1940 ceremony, but in the back of the room. The Cocoanut Grove nightclub at the Ambassador Hotel– where 28 years later Robert F. Kennedy would be assassinated– didn’t allow blacks and whites to sit together. When McDaniel died, she couldn’t be buried in a segregated cemetery. And the mystery of what happened to her Oscar remains. It was stolen in the 1970s.

Spike Lee follows up his great “Blackkklansman” with a lengthy– two and half hours– war opera, his own exploration of his heart of darkness, in “Da 5 Bloods.”

This ambitious often circuitous film starts on Netflix on Friday. It was supposed to play in Cannes, out of competition, where Spike was going to be head of the jury. Then it would have a two week theatrical showcase before moving to Netflix. But you know what happened. Frankly, I think Netflix is perfect for it. Maybe in the fall they can do a little theatrical run but with the length and a screenplay of varying tones, watch it at home.

I never got tired of “Da 5 Bloods,” and never considered fast forwarding it. So many things work in its favor: the cast, the music, the cinematography, and Spike’s overall sensibility as a director. He doesn’t fail to make every piece of this effort watchable.

There’s a lot going on. Four Army buddies are going to back to Vietnam to find the remains of their dead buddy, and a treasure they buried in the jungle.  Delroy Lindo is their Captain Kurtz. Clarke Peters, the brilliant Norm Lewis, and Isaiah Whitlock Jr are the guys. The movie is set in current times, so the ages don’t track. Jonathan Majors, on his way to being a star, is Lindo’s son.

They’re constantly reflecting on their lost buddy, Stormin Norman, played by Chadwick Boseman. Spike does something cool, he re-enacts their Vietnam War experiences using the older actors playing their younger selves. They are average age 60 something. Boseman is frozen in time as his young self. You have to make some leaps here, but they’re not so tough. Everyone in the ensemble is excellent, though Lindon has been written the Marlon Brando role. He chews the jungle scenery thoroughly. I really enjoyed Peters and Whitlock. Lewis stands out.

The quest back into the jungle to find Norman’s bones and some gold bricks is a riff on “Treasure of the Sierra Madre.” But otherwise, Spike references a lot of movies, most especially “Apocalypse Now.” When the guys arrive in Saigon they go to a bar named for the movie. And when they go up river into the jungle, Wagner is heard. Ok, we get it.

As with all Spike Lee movies, the music is very important. Much of it is from Marvin Gaye’s classic 1971 album, “What’s Going On.” There’s some other period pop stuff including the Chambers Brothers, but Marvin is the musical star of this film. There’s also a lush, melodic orchestral score by Terence Blanchard.

Will they find the gold? Will they all live? I can’t say. You will want to see how this thing works out. But “Da 5 Bloods” is not here just to tell show us a treasure hunt. Spike is very timely– Black Lives Matter is front and center, so is the discussion of black soldiers killed in Vietnam. Not only that, we have a very well fed Jean Reno playing a Trumpian character complete with MAGA hat. Even though da 5 bloods are on a trip to reclaim their past, there’s plenty of the present — right up to the minute– to snap us back into reality.