Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s new twins were almost victims of a tabloid scam last night. It’s a wild story exclusive to this column. On Tuesday evening a woman from the Department of Child Protective Services showed up at the hospital while Carey was breastfeeding babies Monroe and Roc. The twins are just finishing up their stay in the NICU. Carey has stayed with them in the hospital following her C section and a minor infection. The civil servant told Cannon she was following up a claim of neglect, of all things. The specifics: Carey was accused of drinking and taking pain meds while breastfeeding! Of course the real story was that a nurse on the floor had suggested Carey drink half a Guinness Stout in order to hasten production of breast milk. Mariah did just that and it worked. But someone in the unit sold her out, so to speak, hoping the social worker could get a picture of the babies for the tabs. Luckily no pictures were allowed. Carey and Cannon, horrified, explained the situation. “Taxpayer money was wasted, too, because this was labeled an emergency. It was ridiculous.” Meanwhile, mom and kids, healthy and wiser now, head home shortly.

Woody Allen has scored big time this morning with “Midnight in Paris.” His new film is clever, beautiful, and profound. It’s a simple idea, too: the struggle to deal with the present while romanticizing the past. The film is cast perfectly as Owen Wilson plays the yearning screenwriter who — while visiting Paris with his horrible fiancee and her parents –does a little time traveling to the 1920s. There he meets Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Gertrude Stein and a wildly amusing cast of real life characters. Marion Cotillard is luminous as Wilson’s fantasy lover. A lovely, splendid film with great cameos from Adrien Brody, Kathy Bates, and yes, Carla Bruni. Michael Sheen and Rachel McAdams are fun as Allen stock characters transposed into this situation. Owen Wilson is genial, amusing and most sympathetic ever. More to come.

Woody Allen, long a favorite of the French, is heading to a big success this week. His “Cannes-opener” so to speak, “Midnight in Paris,” opens the Festival on Wednesday with a bang. This highly anticipated film has great buzz, with my sources telling me from advance screenings that “Midnight” is Woody back in form a la “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” and his classics from “Match Point” reaching back to “”Hannah and her Sisters,” “Annie Hall,” “Alice,” “Zelig,” and so on. “Midnight” has an all star cast featuring a cameo by Carla Bruni, first lady of France, as well as star turns by French sensation Marion Cottillard, Michael Sheen, Rachel McAdams, and two current Broadway stars–Nina Arianda and Allison Pill. I’m also looking forward to seeing Mimi Kennedy, who should have been in a Woody Allen movie years ago. Adrien Brody and Owen Wilson also co-star. PS There’s talk that Woody will be on screen again in his next film, to be shot in Rome, along with Roberto Benigni. Woody also turns up in a French film going to Cannes, called “Paris Manhattan,” in which he plays himself.