Every afternoon I got press updates from the Los Angeles district attorney’s office and they’re usually about miscellaneous crimes committed by people we’ve never heard of. This afternoon’s press release was about Edward Furlong, who’s now 35 but was the child star, in 1991, of “Terminator 2.” He’s always in trouble of some kind, but this is bad.

Furlong was arraigned today for assaulting his girlfriend and threatening her if she called the police. He already had two misdemeanor charges against him. If he’s convicted this time he’ll go to state prison for four years. His bail was set at $100,000.

Furlong is alleged to have assaulted the girlfriend on May 21st when he violated a restraining order meant to keep him away from her.

I thought maybe this guy hasn’t worked in a long time, etc. But it turns out, according to the imdb, he’s worked consistently. He has a lot of credits, several each year, on TV and on the B movie circuit. Nevertheless, according to the release, Furlong “was charged with dissuading a witness by force or threat, assault by means to likely to produce great bodily injury and vandalism over $400 — all felonies — and disobeying a domestic restraining order, a misdemeanor.”

Here’s an advance look at “Ray Donovan” from Showtime. Starring Liev Schreiber and Jon Voight. It’s edited — but you can get the gist of it. Let me know what you think!

Fans of the cult NBC hit “Community” will be happy. Creator Dan Harmon is coming back. But first he has to make a public mea culpa. And so he has, on his blog today. You can read it all at www.danharmon.com/tumblr.com. I think this is what used to happen in Czarist Russia. Anyway, here are some excerpts:

It Won’t Happen Again Again

My apolotweets might not have fit the scale of the crime for some, so I’m following them up with one of my patented apoloblogs.  I want to clarify, I’m apoloblogging in an effort to counteract pain I caused other people.  Not because I think what I have to say is important – this is one of those days when I’m definitely fantasizing about getting less attention.  And less money, and less oxygen, and, like, getting run over by a bus and stuff.  But while I accidentally have your attention, I want to use it to say things I would have and should have said instead of what I did say…

…I went to bed feeling great, woke up and started work on season five of Community with our exciting season five staff.  I took them to lunch, checked my tweets, discovered my name in several headlines next to several bad words, and, as usual, it was then that I started to consider how my words might affect other people if viewed as headlines.  After five seconds of thinking, I realized, as usual, that other people might be hurt, and that I really need to do this whole “saying things and thinking about other people” cycle in a different order at some point.  I think it would make my podcast shorter but I think there’s a lot of listeners that would consider that an upgrade, too.

…Here’s a list of people of whom I failed to think in that moment, and the sincerely owed apologies to them.

…I am first and foremost sorry to Community fans that got paid nothing to stick by Community and get us to a fifth season only to hear the incoming showrunner say some stuff that felt very un-Community.  Even if my goal had been to hurt someone, it would never have been you.  What I said was disrespectful to your love for this show, love that I sometimes erroneously equate with validation of me as a person.  I am unwittingly and unfortunately infamous for the amount I care about your opinion…

Next I want to apologize to the people that did get paid to work on that season, but not enough: the cast and crew.  I get personal value out of being as honest as possible, but, honestly, how honest was what I said?  It was dishonest to imply that something you worked on was as hard to watch as my family being  assaulted.  I was riffing and tried to turn darkness into levity through shock and hyperbole.  I was very much not thinking about anyone but myself while watching that season, which was the crime.  I hope over time you’ll forgive me….

Thirdly, because they got paid more, but still not enough, the season 4 writers.  I’m sorry I pooped on your work.  You had to do something nobody should have to attempt, and you had the option of doing it the lazy way or the sellout way and you clearly did what you did because you were thinking of the fans.  There was some amazing stuff in there.  Funny jokes.  I liked the “Hogan’s Villains” line.  The idea that in Germany, people watch Hogan’s Heroes, but they call it Hogan’s Villains, is seriously so funny I had to rewind it a couple times to finish laughing.  I will apologize to the Germans later.  Season 4 writers:  Thank you and I’m sorry.  As I went on to say in my podcast, the creatives are not the bad guys…I shouldn’t be letting an inhuman system that doesn’t care about humans enough turn humans against humans.  Especially us.  Don’t tell anyone I said this but all writers are better people than all non-writers.  Nobody read that unless you’re a writer.  I broke a code when I judged the work of writers with whom I wasn’t in the same trenches.  I’ll suffer for it because I’ll be looking for a job soon enough and nobody will want to work with Judgy McPsycho Van Crieswhenhetypes.  So I hope my ten seconds of, as the kids say, “butthurt” comedy was worth it to me, and I’ll see you in Hell, where, don’t tell anybody I said this but is where I believe all writers go because we make God jealous.

…Almost lastly, I have to address this “rape joke” concept.  I have to address it because it looks like if I don’t say anything, it could send the wrong message to people with an understandable passion for the subject.  This is a subject that is, and should be, insanely volatile and provocative, because it combines the words “rape” and “joke.”  It puts them right next to each other, it’s like putting a running chainsaw next to a puppy, it’s just not something you can walk past without getting disturbed and invested.  Does anyone think rape is funny?  I hope not.  Do we become more progressive culturally through the mitigation of inappropriate language?  I don’t know, it’s sure worth continued discussion, if you feel strongly one way or the other you should come up on stage at the next Harmontown.  In the mean time, I am deeply sorry to anyone I hurt by using the word “rape” in a comedic context…

…Oh, on the politically correct side, I just remembered something else.  I think when I did my impression of Season 4’s impression of me, I said “durpy durpy dur, I’m Dan Harmon,” which I think I saw someone point out is language used to dehumanize the developmentally disabled, and that’s not cool, I shouldn’t have done that.

…Okay, wow, that was a lot of apologizing.  That was not a short blog post.  Because that’s how sorry I am.  Also I love talking about myself, but, trust me, this has been more pain than pleasure for the guy that made you feel bad.  Now I’m going to get back to conceptualizing with the writers about season 5 and, I hope, achieve a heightened level of actual empathy in the bargain.

Love,

A Remorseful Friend

(*) Harmontown is currently award-free but I don’t want to have to edit this post later.

The poor old former Jerry Lewis telethon for Muscular Dystrophy: it’s been reduced now to two hours on ABC on September 1st. Gone completely is the famed 21 hour show that went through the night from Sunday to Monday on Labor Day, with Jerry Lewis watching the tote board and local stations pitching in to find money for MDA. In 2011, Lewis didn’t appear and was eliminated from MDA with no explanation after 50 years.

In 2012, Lewis was even further erased, and the show was slimmed down from six hours to three. It resembled nothing of its former glory. Now MDA has announced the show is just a two hour special on ABC. All gone are the local shows that fed the syndicated one. And Jerry Lewis has been wiped from the show’s history.

Interestingly, I reported after the 2011 show that MDA was unable to actually collect 50% of the money that was pledged without Lewis. After last year’s three hour show, no announcement was ever made about how much money was pledged or what was collected. MDA still hasn’t filed its Form 990 for 2012, so questions remain about how viable the telethon– now just show– is anymore in its enfeebled state.

At the end of 2011, after the first telethon without Lewis, Charity Navigator gave MDA a 41.78 out of 70, two stars out of four. MDA had the lowest score of five similar organizations. The ranking hasn’t been revised since no tax filing has come in yet for 2012.

Pink Floyd, a long time hold out, has finally come to Spotify. On Friday, Pink Floyd allowed “Wish You Were Here” onto the streaming service. Unpublicized, they agreed that if the album got 1 million streams, they’d allow the rest of their catalog to be included. This morning they hit the 1 million. And now, it’s all there. The Beatles, The Eagles, and a few others are still holding out from Spotify. But the Pink Floyd news is major. “Dark Side of the Moon” is one of the most popular albums of all time. On Spotify it should skyrocket. Streaming is now turning into the biggest deal of all–it’s easy and there’s none of the tiresome uploading of CDs. So now we’ll wait for Pink Floyd numbers from Spotify. I’m putting “The Wall” on now…