Former New York City mayor Ed Koch is alive, but he visits his own grave. You see, he’s already erected a double wide gravestone with inscriptions and an epitaph written by him. And in a new documentary called “Koch,” by Neil Barsky, set for release next month, Koch takes the filmmakers up to the very un-Jewish Trinity Church cemetery at Broadway and West 155th St. to view this achievement.

Here’s what Koch has to say about himself in carved into granite:

“Edward I. Koch, mayor of the city of New York. He was fiercely proud of his Jewish faith. He fiercely defended the city of New York. And he fiercely loved its people. Above all he loved his country, the United States of America in whose Armed Forces he served in World War II.”

The stone is also engraved with a quote from murdered Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl that reads: “My mother father is Jewish, my mother is Jewish, I am Jewish.” But Koch is not only to be buried in a non-Jewish cemetery, he has already put up the stone–something that traditionally is done on the first anniversary of a Jewish death.

Why is he in a non-Jewish cemetery. He claims he likes “the hustle and bustle” of Trinity (apparently it’s very busy). He didn’t think he’d be “seen” in a Jewish cemetery, and claims–inaccurately–that most of them in New York are “closed” to new burials.

In New York, at least, the Barsky documentary  will be controversial. It’s more or less a rebuttal to a 2009 doc called “Outrage,” and follows the path of a book called “The Rebuilding of New York” by Jonathan Soffer. “Outrage” tried to “out” Koch as gay and blame him for New York’s AIDS epidemic in the 1980s. The book heralded Koch’s record of rebuilding the city. The new film does its best to rewrite his history as a politician who actually defended and protected the gay community and was in the forefront of gay rights. I will leave this part to those who know better. And they will be vocal. When Barsky asks Koch if he’s gay, the mayor responds: “It’s none of your fucking business.”

Is he digging his own grave? If so, he can visit it. Otherwise “Koch” is very well made, and shows a nearly 90 year old man who’s survived everything, but seemingly has no self-awareness or conscience on most subjects.

But as mayor he was a force to be reckoned with, especially in his first two terms. And you do get an understanding of how his motto, “How’m I doing?” really means “Go screw yourself.” He doesn’t care really what we think of how he’s doing. The film also chronicles Koch’s greatest hits, from famously closing a hospital that was important to the black community to endless examples of how he let the outer boroughs deteriorate especially in his third term. There’s also great archival footage of his failed effort for an unprecedented–and completely nuts–fourth term.

If you’ve paid $700 to see stars at the National Board of Review dinner next Tuesday (Jan 8), I think you’re guaranteed one will be very very late to the program if she gets there at all. Jessica Chastain, who won Best Actress from the fan based fee-mandated group for her work in “Zero Dark Thirty” has a 7pm curtain on Broadway that night for “The Heiress.” She’s been giving knockout performances for weeks.

And she will be there without fail. The show is three hours long, which is exhausting. The earliest Chastain could make it might be 10:30pm, by which time many NBR members may be tucked into their beds. And who knows how she’ll feel, considering “The Heiress” has two shows on Wednesday.

A featured Broadway player–even with awards to attend to–can only take so many nights off or disappoint ticket holders.  The red haired beauty will miss three performances, however: she’ll  be replaced by her capable understudy only on  January 10th and 13th, to accommodate the Critics Choice Awards on the 10th (on the CW Network, live, 8pm Eastern), the Golden Globes on Sunday January 13th (infamously on NBC) and then the Screen Actors Guild Awards (TNT)  on January 27th.

And yes, this does suggest that she will fly back to New York right after the Critics Choice Awards, do a show on Friday, two on Saturday, then fly back to L.A. for the Globes, and then fly back to New York on Monday. Whew!

Chastain is in a heavy race with Jennifer Lawrence (“Silver Linings Playbook”) as the front runners for Best Actress this year. But they will likely split the winnings at the Globes, where Chastain should get the prize for Drama, and Lawrence for Comedy/Musical.

PS Even with the absences, “The Heiress” is a hit, and worth a visit if you can get tickets. The show closes February 10th, giving Jessica enough time to prepare for Oscar night.

The Academy Awards show in February will feature a special salute to the James Bond franchise. It’s Bond’s 50th anniversary. But it’s also his first billion dollars, as “Skyfall” went through the roof this year and made more money than any other Bond film. Producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron say they’re going to have a “special sequence”– which could mean anything, but no doubt means music. Maybe they’ll get Shirley Bassey to sing “Goldfinger.” And this kind of suggests that they’ve locked up Adele (see my earlier story http://www.showbiz411.com/2013/01/02/adele-must-choose-between-oscars-and-golden-globes-for-skyfall-appearance). As I noted last month, no Bond theme song has ever won Best Song. But this year looks like the breakout year with Adele capping it off. Of course the big ‘get’ would be Sean Connery, who excluded himself from the recent Bond 50th documentary. If the Oscars can get Connery to stand on a stage with Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig– now that would be a coup !