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Tom Hanks in Tears at Standing Ovation for Broadway Debut from A Tough Crowd

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Tom Hanks got a wildly enthusiastic standing ovation last night as he made his Broadway debut with Nora Ephron’s “Lucky Guy.” The response was not just from friends and fans because they like Hanks, but because his portrayal of Mike McAlary is such a moving, funny, and lovely experience. This was my second time seeing “Lucky Guy” and I do admit to having a soft spot for it. Ephron captured life in a New York newsroom between 1985 and 1998 perfectly. A lot of the specifics of McAlary’s life have been telescoped to fit a normal running time. But even taking dramatic license, Ephron worked in enough to capture the triumphs and the hubris.

And Hanks broke down in tears at the end of the show, when a curtain pulled back on stage to reveal a large portrait of Ephron, who died last July. “Nothing like sharing a personal moment with 11,000 strangers,” Tom said to me later at the afterparty at Gotham Hall. But those were real tears. “Nora and I were always showing each other what we were writing. I ran into her in London last year, and she said, ‘You know I finished that thing.’ I read it and said, What can we do with this now?”

Hanks is not alone on the stage. And under George C. Wolfe’s heartfelt direction, the supporting cast each gets a chance to shine, from Peter Gerety to Courtney B. Vance to Peter Scolari and Christopher MacDonald.

So was there? Who wasn’t there? Loads of folks from the New York tabloids, starting with eminence, Pete Hamill. The Times was represented by current editor in chief Jill Abramson and past legend Gay Talese. The News was there in the person of Mort Zuckerman, who is referred to in “Lucky Guy” as “the owner.” He may have winced at some of the references.

And then were Rita Wilson (cheering on Tom) and Angela Bassett (for Courtney Vance) as well as Sting and Trudie Styler, Graydon Carter, Holland Taylor on a night off from “Ann,” Martin Short, NBC’s Brian Williams, Barbara Walters, Liz Smith, Cindy Adams, Joy Behar, Regis and Joy Philbin, Lawrence O’Donnell, Spike Lee, Lorne Michaels, director Paul Haggis, Tom’s actor son Colin Hanks with his seven months pregnant wife (second kid– you know Tom is a grandfather already) director Moises Kaufman, and New Yorker editor David Remnick. Nia Vardalos, on a book tour starting this morning, flew in to support Tom, as did Universal Pictures chief Ron Meyer and producer Walter Parkes. Loads of actors too from Ellen Barkin to Rosie Perez to Geoffrey Wright to Richard Kind and Bobby Cannavale.

Nora Ephron’s family was there, too, including husband Nick Pileggi and her two sons, Jacob and Max. I ran into Larry David on one side of the room and Laurie David on the other. Tonya Pinkins looked swell as did Emmy Rossum. Even Mayor Mike Bloomberg, taking a break from large soda patrol, stopped in to congratulate Hanks and the cast. There was also a reunion of 80s press agents with the arrival from Savannah of legend Bobby Zarem, along with Peggy Siegal (who helped bring the A list in last night), Ken Sunshine, and Dan Klores.

Again I will say: I’ve never seen a movie star take to the stage like Tom Hanks. Three cheers for him. And some awards.

Ryan Gosling Goes Beyond “Pines” to “Towheads”

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BY PAULA SCHWARTZ, SPECIAL TO SHOWBIZ411– Ryan Gosling slipped into the second row of the Walter Reade Theater in Lincoln Center Saturday night to catch Shannon Plumb’s “Towheads,” which was screened as part of the New Directors/New Films festival. Plumb is married to Derek Cianfrance, who directed “The Place Beyond the Pines,” starring Gosling and Bradley Cooper, and which opened Friday. (Box office is impressive; it’s raked in $270,000 in four theaters.) Cianfrance also directed Gosling in “Blue Valentine.”

Probably few people even spotted the Oscar-nominated actor, who was with friends. There was no sight of girlfriend Eva Mendes. After the movie, Gosling raised his hand and asked a question in the Q&A.

Cianfrance’s “The Place Beyond the Pines” focuses on fatherhood, responsibility and legacy. “Towheads” is the other side of the coin. Plumb, a video and performance artist, wrote, directed and starred in an impressive and enjoyable film that celebrates motherhood. At the same time her character struggles to find her purpose and identity in life in addition to being a mother and the wife of a famous director.

Plumb, who is the star, the director and the screenwriter,  has a real gift for physical comedy. She plays a Brooklyn actress and overtaxed mother named Penny, who spends most of her day caring and doting on her impish and energetic sons, Cody, 4, and Walker, 7 (Plumb and Cianfranc’s real-life sons). Meanwhile, her husband Matt is a busy theater director (played by Cianfrance), who is too self-obsessed or distracted to give her any emotional support. When Penny seems to be having a meltdown, he asks if she is having a midlife crisis and suggests she get a facial. Then he dashes off to work, which he points out supersedes everything else because it pays the pills. The camera never directly films his face, which is obscured by cereal boxes or books. (The film was shot in the couple’s rambling and comfortable cluttered Brooklyn apartment.)

Working with a miniscule budget, Plumb said there were few takes and she didn’t storyboard. Although there was a script, the children’s scenes were all improvised. Her sons worked only four hours a day and of course she found herself always “overly protective.” There was also some resistance at first by her impish boys. “On the first day Walker quit,” Plumb said. But they ended up loving it. “When it was over, they were sad at the end. They were crying.”

Although she’s a well-known visual artist she’s new at the film business. She didn’t know how to shoot a movie.  “I didn’t know anything but low angle. I put the camera down here,” she pointed low. “I never moved a camera before. Derek tried to sketch something out real quick,” she said, but, “It would drive me crazy.” The best advice he gave her: “Keep it simple.”  The fact is she’s made an savvy film that witty, fun and smart.

When an audience member asked during the Q&A  if she’d ever gone experienced a breakdown like the character she plays, Plumb replied, “Certainly I’ve experienced a crisis for sure. You panic. The children always come first and they come first until 9 at night,” she said. “And all of my friends, they’ve all gone through it. It’s harder for moms. It’s crazy but you get through it. That’s what this (film) is for as well.”

Plumb made it clear the unsupportive husband in the film was not based on Cianfrance. “He’s not my real husband. He’s nothing like that.” When she first envisioned the husband, his role was  “just to open a door and close it,” because, “I wanted this to be a mother’s story. I wanted it to be about the mom. It could be a single mom, a mom who has a husband who works all the time, who could be any mother,” she said. “The husband is a stereotype of the 50’s, 60’s kind of man.”

Finally Cianfrance decided he would play Plumb’s film husband because of a bedroom scene.  “He didn’t want anybody sleeping in his bed,” Plumb said. So she told husband, “If you want to do it, fine,” and his reply, “Yeah maybe I should do it,” worked out. “I’m so happy he did. He’s a good actor. I didn’t know he was so good,” Plum mused. “I didn’t know he could act, but he can,” she laughed.

Part of the humor is how Plumb finds Beckett-like absurdity in every day events and situations, whether it’s to tear open a box of cereal, hold up a tampon box or drink out of a curly straw. She has a tour-de-force moment in a disaster of a gown big as a mountain, where she struggles to sit and then stand in sky-high platform heesl, while no one around her, including her husband – Cianfrance backlit –  even notices her.

Plumb is lanky and loose-limbed and fun to watch, whether she dashes down a busy street with a stroller, pushes a kid’s bike while she balances a  gown or her head, or makes unsexy and inept moves as a pole dancer. Meanwhile she’s a quick change artist, changing costumes and characters and genders, including one hilarious scene where she leaves her apartment dressed as a man, dons a mustache and puts on a  masculine swagger. She’s obviously been inspired by Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton. And this last scene, where she leaves her home disguised as a man made an impression on Gosling, who plays a macho guy with tattoos, muscles and guns in “The Place Beyond the Pines.”

During the Q&A, Gosling asked: “You play so many scenes as a man. What’s the key to playing a man?”

Without referring to him by name, Plumb replied, “When I went to acting school my teacher told me, if you want to walk like a man you’ve got to separate your legs, and walk like this, loose.” Plumb demonstrated and swung her legs wide apart as she walked. “It’s starts physically, then you become a man, so I just started. It’s so amazing to step into those shoes to see what it’s like,” being the other half. “Men are fun to play.”

Someone asked if things would have worked differently for her character if she had had a daughter instead of sons. Plumb replied thoughtfully. “Yeah. It’s a whole different thing. It’s a different dynamic. It would have been different I think. I do want a daughter but I’m not having anymore,” she laughed.

Barbara Walters: Nothing Is Going On–“I Have No Announcement to Make”

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Barbara Walters returned to “The View” this morning with a big announcement. It came after a weekend of speculation after a Thursday gossip item that she was going to proclaim her total retirement. “If and when I have an announcement to make, I would make it on this program.” Walters looked extremely healthy and with it, and not like someone who was going to retire from anything–including a fight with ABC over her future.

http://www.showbiz411.com/2013/04/02/exclusive-feisty-barbara-walters-i-wasnt-retiring-from-anything

Later in the show, Walters exclaimed to “General Hospital” actor Tony Geary “35 years–who has a job that long?” Everyone in the audience laughed, and clapped. Even Walters surprised herself. But she is clearly not ready to give into ABC. And the planted gossip item on Thursday–meant to seal her fate–has backfired.

www.showbiz411.com/2013/03/28/ambush-barbara-walters-has-no-plans-to-retire-from-the-view

 

 

Broadway Getting a Black Juliet, White Romeo in Exciting New Production

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This sounds very cool: “Romeo and Juliet” is coming to Broadway for the first time since 1977– and Juliet is being played by an African American. So is her father. Condola Rashad, the very talented daughter of Phylicia Rashad — that’s Claire Huxtable to you TV fans — and Ahmad Rashad, will play the tortured Juliet. One of the great New York actors of all time. Joe Morton, is going to be Lord Capulet. Rashad’s Romeo will be played by movie star Orlando Bloom.

Award winning director David Leveaux is running the show. “Shakespeare did not only write of his world – he imagined ours,” says Leveaux in a statement. “The very improbability that two young people might, through their imaginations and their courage, change the world by overcoming the cynical tyranny of division handed down to them by their elders, is the best and happily most improbable reason I can imagine to bring this story to the Broadway stage today.”

Performances begin in late August at the Richard Rodgers Theater. Rashad has already been Tony nominated for her role in “Stick Fly.” Of course, the mixed race part of this will only be visible to us, not to the players or the characters. And that’s a real breakthrough for Broadway, where actors of any race or color should be able to play any role. Maybe it is the 21st century after all.

Dad of Red Hot Chili Peppers Anthony Kiedis Writes a Book About Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

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Somehow I missed the whole story of how Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers grew up in Hollywood. His father is a 73 year old hipster actor from Grand Rapids, Michigan who made sure his 12 year old son experienced sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Maybe this explains Kiedis’ drug problems and why he didn’t wear a shirt until a couple of years ago. John Kiedis, aka Blackie Dammett, has written a book about all of this. You can buy it on amazon as a Kindle download for six bucks. I’m giving you guys the press release I received this morning, as well as a video clip from the BBC. I kind of like this guy.

the release:

Dammett!

Who put the HOT in the Red Hot Chili Peppers–The wild, lurid, hilarious tell-all Hollywood Babylon memoir of Anthony Kiedis’ dad

Soon-to-go-viral book now available as an exclusive on Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00C4MD2DY

April 1, 2013–Beverly Hills, California: You may wish you had some of that evil 1980s Sunset Strip cocaine too when you can’t put this book down til dawn–it’s immersive, exhilarating, exhausting, elegiac, ribald…and hilarious.

It’s simply the biggest, boldest epic of Hollywood and Rock & Roll ever written.

It’s the memoir of John Kiedis, father of legendary rockers Red Hot Chili Peppers front man Anthony Kiedis.

John Keidis–AKA Blackie Dammett–the Hollywood Babylon Renaissance man whose mind blowing exploits and relentlessly lurid lifestyle shaped his future Rock & Roll Hall of Famer son–between the torrent of drug and sex fueled parties, auditions and business deals in Hollywood, New York and London, Dammett towed the young Red Hot Chili Pepper with him on his drug deals with a show biz who’s who.

Along the way Dammett found time for acting in high profile movies and TV too–everything from “misunderstood junkie hypochondriac suspected child kidnapper with a soft side” to “a failed Hell’s Angel.”

Then there were the “girls.” OMG. Nobody could make this stuff up:

“New girls were always coming of age, replenishing the scene… Deirdre, Darcy, Jill Jacobson, Melissa, Skye Aubrey, Lisa Blount, Lehna from Sweden, Summer, Shannon, Veronica Blakely, Tallulah, Debbie Baker from Trashy Lingerie, Punky, Vickie, Raven Cruel… Annette Walter-Lax who later became Keith Moon’s significant other…”

Fasten your seatbelts–it’s going to be a humpy ride.

Dammett knew them all:

He played Pong (the first video game) with John Lennon, and then Lennon, temporarily exiled from NY by Yoko Ono and lubed with coke and whiskey, poured out his legendary heart to Dammett.

Dammett partied with the likes of Lou Reed, Axl Rose, Andy Warhol, Keith Moon, Alice Cooper, Liza Minnelli, Frank Sinatra, 14-year-old Drew Barrymore, George Carlin, David Lee Roth, Deborah Harry, the Ramones, Talking Heads, Richard Hell and Television, Patti Smith and Basquiat…the list goes on and on.

This is Blackie Dammett’s story–the man who has had a profound, ineffable influence on his son, Anthony Kiedis, front man of the seminal Rock & Roll Hall of Famers Red Hot Chili Peppers.

And the entire book is ghost-writer free–every single word is Blackie Dammett’s.

From his Lithuanian ancestors landing at Ellis Island (with some Algonquin and Mohican blood mixed along the way), to Blackie’s classic youth in 1940s and ‘50s hardscrabble Michigan (an almost Norman Rockwellian, American Graffiti idyll), to his hilariously depraved Hollywood of the 60s through the 90s, his story is the story of America in the second half of the twentieth century–an epic, authentic cultural document without equal in detail, profound candor and heart.

Hey Blackie–You’ll never heave lunch in this town again.

Monday on The View: A Barbara Walters Showdown Looms

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UPDATE 11 AM MONDAY: Walters says “I have no announcement to make.”

Monday morning on “The View” comes the long time star of ABC’s soap opera “General Hospital,” Anthony Geary. But a bigger soap opera is looming right there on “The View,” and it’s much more complex than anything Luke and Laura have had to face. The show returns live with Barbara Walters and the pressing question: is she announcing her retirement from ABC News and this program? Or did ABC leak a story to media sites on Thursday knowing that Friday was a holiday and that the story of Walters’ exit would become a fact before it could be disputed?

Even producers at “The View” have no idea what Walters is planning to say when she marches on stage at 11am Eastern. True, she’s 83 years old, and had some illness issues this winter. But Walters is a supreme game player. She will not go down without a fight. And while ABC News chief Ben Sherwood is young enough to be her son, Walters is no fragile senior citizen. She has a lot of fight left in her.

Since the story broke on Thursday, there’s been a lot of strange stuff. On Friday’s “Good Morning America,” the panel at the desk actually discussed this as if they weren’t on ABC, and weren’t being directed about what to say. They sure made it seem like Walters was leaving her career.

But I told you immediately on Thursday, Walters’ conversations, according to sources, had been about leaving ABC News. She planned to stay with “The View” indefinitely, certainly beyond May 2014. This May the show will lose Joy Behar and Elisabeth Hasselbeck (who hasn’t announced her plans yet). But there’s obviously a power struggle afoot. And lest anyone forget, Walters will remind you: she invented “The View” and owns a piece of it.

So what will she say? A source says: “I can’t believe she will just give in and say it’s over. I think she’ll say she’s thought about retiring from News, and intends to stay with the show.”

I can tell you about a time I was with Walters when she went through tense negotiations with ABC News in June 1991. I was interviewing her for Vogue. At that exact moment, ABC News chief Roone Arledge was making it tough for Walters, who then had “20/20” as well as her specials, and substituted on “Nightline” and on “GMA.” Things were so fragile that Walters brought Henry Kissinger into it. (I can still remember her asking me to leave the office so she could take a call from “Doctor Kissinger.”) Eventually she rode it out. Arledge succumbed, and Walters made it through the 1990s at least.

Can she do it again? Her back is against the wall. Syndication is an iffy deal for any kind of specials. Larry King has already shown that it’s not easy to function from the outside. Of course here’s a crazy scenario: Walters leaves ABC involuntarily but lets them make a big deal of her retirement. She immediately, even at age 84 or 85, makes a deal with NBC, appears as a guest host on “Today,” and gets some killer interview. Stranger things have happened.

Literally–stay tuned…

Bradley Cooper, Ryan Gosling Make “Pines” a Record Indie Hit

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It looks like Derek Cianfrance’s “The Place Beyond the Pines” is a record indie hit this weekend. Total ticket sales for showings in just 4 theatres is around $300,000. Of course, having Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper in one movie, not to mention beautiful, talented Eva Mendes (who also dates Gosling) and the fearsome but beloved Ray Liotta in an indie film made for nothing, is kind of outrageous.

But the budget was minimal as Cianfrance’s script is a literary triptych. The movie unfolds in three parts; Gosling and Cooper are never in it together, really, except for a brief sequence. The third part is about their sons, one of whom, played by Dane DeHaan, is the new Leonardo DiCaprio. If the movie holds as it expands at the box office it could be the first Oscar nominee of 2014. I am serious. “Pines” is a deeply wondrous film that when it was first shown in Toronto last fall caused a sensation. Gosling and Cooper each do exceptional work. They have turned into old fashioned movie stars who are also very good actors. Or vice versa. And they are real leading men, something we haven’t had in a long time.

The premiere on Thursday night was held at the dreadfully cold Landmark Sunshine Theater, a foreboding pit. But the party was at the ultra hip Bowery Hotel. You go to a lot of these things and the cast doesn’t seem too interested in each other. But the “Pines” gang seems pretty cohesive. Gosling brought his mom, Donna, who’s a doll. She told me she’s just gotten her teaching degree and is launching a new career.

Ryan is very excited but nervous about shooting his first feature as a director. He’s directing Mendes, he said. “Or she’s directing me,” he laughed. No one will talk about the plot of this movie. Not because it’s a secret. “But you know, it can change a lot,” Gosling told me.

Cooper had an unceasing crowd of young women piling up around him. We attempted to talk, but we were constantly interrupted by young women who simply walked right up, interrupting without thinking once, and saying “Can we take a picture?” All the main actors had personal bodyguards who were very polite.

Some of the other guests included Patricia Clarkson, who had a long talk with Gosling, and Oliver Platt, who told me he’s getting into producing now. “It turns out I’m very good at calling people up and asking them to do things,” he said.

Funniest line of the night was Cianfrance, introducing Ray Liotta at the Sunshine: “When I was a kid, I didn’t have posters of Playboy playmates on my walls. I had pictures of Ray Liotta.”

By the way: Cianfrance’s lovely wife, Shannon Plumb, has directed her first film. It’s called “Towheads,” and it features the couple’s two young sons. “Towheads” was shown at MoMA’s “New Directors” series this weekend and got rave reviews.

 

Phil Ramone: He Kept Phoebe Snow from Being “Gone at Last”

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There are a lot of good stories about Phil Ramone and all the stars he recorded. There are some coming in now on Twitter, and more to be told this week. One story not in his book which we had recently discussed was about the late Phoebe Snow. We were reminiscing about Phoebe, both in agreement that she had had tbe single best voice of her generation. Phoebe’s life changed after having a huge debut album in 1974, self-titled, and a follow up that was so-so. At that point she’d given birth to daughter Valerie, who had multiple defects. Her career–artistically and financially–was a mess.

Phil recorded Phoebe’s third album, “It Feels Like Snow.” Valerie’s picture is on the cover. Phil created a couple of Phoebe’s standards on it, including a remake of “Teach Me Tonight” that stands as a towering recording. He knew she was a jazz singer, even if she railed against it. A year later, Phil was making “Still Crazy After All These Years” with Paul Simon. Bette Midler was supposed to sing on a track called “Gone at Last.” But either Atlantic, her label, wouldn’t give her permission, or something else went wrong.

Phoebe, meantime, was bankrupt and sinking under the weight of raising Valerie on her own. “I saved her,” Phil told me. “It was lucky that it worked out.” He convinced Paul to put Phoebe on “Gone at Last.” The result was a hit single And it bought Phoebe some more time to care for Valerie at home.

Hard to believe–now they are all gone–Phoebe, Valerie, and Phil. I know that Phoebe is driving Phil crazy right now, probably about making another record.

Phil Ramone, Famed Record Producer of Paul Simon, Billy Joel, Tony Bennett, Dies

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Exclusive UPDATE: Billy Joel says:

“I always thought of Phil Ramone as the most talented guy in my band. He was the guy that no one ever ever saw onstage.
He was with me as long as any of the musicians I ever played with – longer than most. So much of my music was shaped by him and brought to fruition by him.
I have lost a dear friend – and my greatest mentor.The music world lost a giant today.”

Earlier: Heartbreaking: my friend, the friend of so many in the music business, has died at age 79. Phil had been in a New York hospital for the last few weeks, recovering from an aortic aneurysm. It’s just tragic. Phil produced the great music by Paul Simon, Billy Joel, and Tony Bennett– all of whom had been keeping in touch with Phil’s family constantly over the last few weeks.

Phil had 14 Grammy awards– and not enough frankly. Just in the last two years he’d produced Tony Bennett’s “Duets II” and “Viva Duets,” as well as Paul Simon’s critically acclaimed “So Beautiful, So What” and was finishing up a new album with George Michael.

To say Phil was a musical genius, a gentleman, the sweetest and nicest guy–it’s all not enough. For years he’s been producing the annual Songwriters Hall of Fame show and it’s been such a great experience. This past winter, right before he became ill, Phil was honored by the Salvation Army for all of work in the last few years. He was so proud of organizing their kids’ orchestra. He was beaming when they played at the Marriott Marquis that night. And he was so thrilled that Aretha Franklin came to honor him as well.

All I can think of this afternoon is Phil in the studio recording the “Duets II” album in the summer of 2011. I came into see him, and it he was drenched in sweat. It was at least 100 degrees outside, and Aretha had asked that the air conditioning be turned off while she and Tony Bennett recorded “How Do You Keep the Music Playing.” Phil was wearing a light blue dress shirt, and all of it was wet by degrees. I said, “Phil are you all right?” He looked at me with that big smile. “Do ya see what’s going on in there?” he pointed to Aretha and Tony on other side of the glass. “I’m great. Hot. But great.”

Phil’s Grammys:

  • 2006 Producer, Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album, Tony Bennett Duets: An American Classic
  • 2005 Producer, Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album, Tony Bennett The Art of Romance
  • 2004 Producer, Album of the Year, Ray Charles Genius Loves Company
  • 2004 Producer, Best Surround Sound Album, Ray Charles Genius Loves Company
  • 2004 Technical Grammy, for contributions of outstanding technical significance to the recording field.
  • 2002 Producer – Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album Playin’ With My Friends: Bennett Sings The Blues
  • 1994 Producer – Best Musical Show Album, Passion
  • 1983 Composer – Best Instrumental Composition Written for a Motion Picture or for Television Flashdance
  • 1980 Producer of the Year – Non-Classical
  • 1979 Producer, Album of the Year, 52nd Street
  • 1978 Producer, Record of the Year, Just The Way You Are
  • 1975 Producer, Album of the Year, Still Crazy After All These Years
  • 1969 Producer, Best Musical Show Album, Promises, Promises
  • 1964 Engineer, Best Engineered Recording (non- classical) Getz/Gilberto

Why Taylor Swift Is Not Going to Find a Happy Relationship Anytime Soon

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Yes, I went to a Taylor Swift show last night. Judging by the audience of preteen girls at the Prudential Center in Newark, I doubt many of my colleagues have had this experience. My twin nieces, Hannah and Charlotte, turning 13 on Tuesday, wanted to see opening act Ed Sheeran. They had no interest in Swift, but since i paid for the tickets, I told them we had to do the whole thing.

Now, having seen her in arena, I can tell you why Taylor Swift will never find a happy relationship. In a minute. First the show: I don’t know who wrote it, directed, choreographed it, scripted it in within an inch of its life. But the Red tour show is not about rock and roll or even pop. It’s a humongous Broadway spectacle. Or a series of them.

There are 18 songs including a duet with Sheeran and a guest spot. Last night that went to Pat Monahan of Train, whom Swift called “my favorite singer from my favorite band.” I know, I am an old curmudgeon, but I did do a spit take. “Special guests” in my day meant Eric Clapton, Or Elvis Costello. And they sang a song from a Ford commercial. Eeee.

Anyway.

Most of the 18 numbers have total costume and lighting specifics on the scale of, say, “Les Miseables.” Or more. Swift makes countless costume changes, all stunning. The dancers- there are many– and singers– lots of them too– never sit down for more than two hours. They are very talented. The band is bland, and I’m not even convinced they were all playing their instruments live. They’re so incidental that Swift never introduces them. Whatever was country about Swift is gone. Her music has been rearranged into institutional 80s New Wave pop. The arrangements are clunky. Her own songs from older albums sound better solo, on acoustic guitar. But that’s just a small segment now.

Swift comes across like a QVC hostess. She is endlessly self promoting, listing all her awards for the audience, her so called accomplishments, her many successes. At one point she says that she and the audience have “a lot in common”– but she doesn’t mean several homes, celebrity boyfriends, and millions of dollars. She means that the audience, like her, is obsessed with Taylor Swift. She is disingenuous even to the eye of a New York 13 year old. And she often stands on stage, backlit, flirting with the large video screens.

But: the show is almost overly entertaining. It’s sort of brilliant in its nonstop, ceaseless attack. The detail work and the production are superb. Swift comes off like an actress playing Taylor Swift in a musical. You get the sense there is no there “there.” At what, 23, she is already beyond the pale. But the thousands of girls in the audience love her. I mean, love her. They adore her. They are transfixed. She is the realization of all their fantasies.

It’s the physicality of the show that made me realize, she cannot go back. Taylor Swift is now the G rated Madonna. She flies across the arena suspended from the ceiling on an open platform. She walks out in the middle of the audience sort of on a crane, barefoot. She swings around on a cherry picker (the same one Tina Turner used about 10 years ago in her mid 60s.)

By the time she reaches the end of this extravaganza, Swift is standing at the top of a huge staircase. She is wearing a top hat and is dressed like Sergeant Pepper’s cheerleader in red and gold. Some 20,000 people are speady before her screaming so loudly that you cannot hear anything. Imagine the adrenaline at this point pulsating through her. She tells the audience– it’s scripted but true –“I can’t believe you know all the words to all the songs.” They do, they really do, even though the songs are largely meaningless.

She is not Joni or Carly or Carole. She plays guitar well enough, but fakes piano miserably (like Justin Timberlake). She is a brand, and there is tons of merchandise. But she is also an entertainer.  And she’s superb at it. You know movies are next. This is inevitable. She’s so ready for her closeup she’s already taking it. But a boyfriend who can measure up to the rush of being Taylor Swift? She’s asking too much. I think she will realize that soon.

Ed Sheeran? I like him. He’s sort of this year’s James Blunt or Jason Mraz. He plays amplified acoustic guitar really well, and is a good, athletic singer. He sort of sing-raps. One thing I didn’t understand: he put down the guitar mid-song and the music kept playing. Who was playing it? Compared to Swift’s show, Sheeran’s is like something from Folk City. The two acts complement each other.