Robin Thicke’s new “Paula” album sounds as if he sang it in a whisper while sneaking through his ex wife’s house collecting his things. He’s  feeling sentimental about having screwed up his life with a beautiful woman, and he’d kind of like her back but knows she won’t take him. So he creeps into her house while she’s sleeping,  with a keyboard chained around his neck, a percussionist in tow, and a video guy to record the whole thing. He’s had a few drinks.

“Shhhh,” he cautions, putting his index finger to his pursed lips. By the end of the album, he’s got a bag of her most expensive jewelry, hangers full of his suits, and a painting they bought on their honeymoon in Paris under his arm. The getaway car is waiting.

“Paula” sports cover art that’s intentionally a reference to R&B albums of the 70s. That’s Robin Thicke’s obsession. He uses Alba typeface, famous from Curtis Mayfield albums and Melvin van Peebles movies. He’s also enamored of Marvin Gaye, as we all know. So he’s made his version of Gaye’s 1972 album “Here My Dear,” recorded as a divorce settlement gift to ex wife Anna Gordy (Berry’s older sister). “Here My Dear” was bitter and had no hits, but was kind of brilliant. “Paula” is in that realm. In releasing it, though, Thicke squanders all his success from “Blurred Lines.” You can’t dance to “Paula,” but you may call the police. Or a shrink.

Another title might have been “Stalker.” The best tracks are called “Lock the Door,” about how Patton kicked him out after she finally couldn’t take his partying, and “The Opposite of Me,” which kind of accuses rather than seduces Patton. And then there’s that Timberlake like single, “Get Her Back.” More and more I am convinced it means revenge– get her back for throwing him out– than get her to come back.

What about “Whatever I Want” which liberally samples Eric Clapton and Cream’s “Sunshine of Your Love”? Let’s hope Thicke’s lawyers licensed it because it’s not just the “feel.” Everyone in the world knows that guitar line. In the same song, Thicke seems to be ripping off The O’Jays hit “Backstabbers.” Until we see the credits, we won’t know details about the provenance of all this soulful whining.

What works: the songs are short, at least. And they’re catchy, if not of course derivative. “Living in New York City” is a James Brown soundalike  the way “Blurred Lines” aped Marvin Gaye. One thing’s for sure: Robin Thicke is a great white soul mimic. He’s the Southside Johnny of the new millennium.

If the “Paula” album sells or takes off, it will be a surprise. Think of it as an album of demos, something personal, a mixtape farewell. I doubt Paula Patton is coming back. She has the potential for a great career, she has a kid, and frankly, who needs this?

As for Robin, “Paula” is certainly not a concert album. A couple of these tunes could be arranged to fit into a show with “Blurred Lines.” But this is no party record. Unless he’s planning to scale down to wine bars and Samba nights at the mall, these songs performed live will mainly be useful at home, for his next lady friend.

Robin Thicke: will he squander one of the greatest set ups in pop history next week? Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” was the song of 2013, no matter how it was written or what it meant. “Blurred Lines” remains a classic pop release from its opening Marvin Gaye-ish notes. It put Thicke on the map commercially as a rock star after years of quiet critical admiration for his white R&B sound.

But failure is looming in the form of his new album, called “Paula” due on Tuesday. Almost no one has heard it. Those who have, didn’t like it. Plus, Thicke just released a creepy video in which an attractive model caresses his naked torso while he reproduces text messages from his angry wife– the same wife for whom he’s named the album. The video’s title is “Get Her Back” but it’s not clear if he wants Paula Patton to come back, or if he wants to “get her back”– as in revenge.

Could very well be the latter.

“Paula” the album does not appear so far on iTunes. Advance sales on amazon aren’t promising–the album is hovering around number 300. That’s not good. In fact, it’s very distressing. It’s the same pattern that brought us Jennifer Lopez’s failed “AKA” album.

Also, very few people have heard anything more than the single. Someone at the Daily Beast posted a negative review. Most albums are available for listening in some form at least two to three weeks before they come out. The “Blurred Lines” album followed weeks of the title track on the radio and in clubs, and it came with a controversial video. The “Get Her Back” video so far has inspired no outrage, just yawning criticism that this is not the way to persuade a wife to take you back.

One other sign that things are bad: the iTunes pre-order price is just $7.99. That’s four dollars off what it should be, and a flag that iTunes sees disaster in the offing.

Here’s the video. Honestly, the song is good. Just listen to the audio if you want to enjoy it. When Robin Thicke isn’t mimicking real R&B artists, he’s very good.