“Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales” starts playing tonight in theaters and opens officially tomorrow. You’d think Johnny Depp would be on the cover of magazines, and all over the talk shows.

But as far as I can tell, Depp will only appear on Jimmy Kimmel tomorrow night, taping today. Kimmel is on ABC, which is owned by Disney, which is releasing “Dead Men.” Kimmel will not be asking Depp about his massive financial problems or his scandalous marriage and divorce with Amber Heard.

In two weeks, Tom Cruise opens in “The Mummy,” from Universal. Last night, on the Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon asked his audience to write in suggestions for a game show skit he’ll do with Cruise. The Fallon appearance may be the only one we’ll see for Cruise in an uncontrolled situation. The Tonight Show is on NBC, which is owned by Universal, the studio releasing “The Mummy.” Fallon will not ask Cruise about his relationship with his 10 year old daughter, Suri, in or his reported plans to live in Clearwater, Florida to be near his beloved cult religion, Scientology.

The oddest outcome of the NBC-Universal tie for Cruise will be if he turns up on NBC’s “Today” show. Cruise famously fought with Matt Lauer on the show in 2005. He’s appeared since then, but viewers are looking for a rematch. Lauer must feel uneasy about being constrained from asking Cruise real questions. Maybe that will be a day when Lauer is “on assignment.”

This week, in Australia (his favorite place to promote movies), Cruise evaded questions about daughter Suri while working the red carpet. Universal is following the pattern of past Cruise premieres– having them in foreign countries first and avoiding big US splashes where rogue red carpet reporters might ask embarrassing questions. “The Mummy” will have a premiere in Taiwan and a major one in London.

Either way, promoting a movie with problematic stars is getting problematic. For Depp, this is especially dire because “Dead Men” is getting terrible reviews. A box office “disappointment” looms (I won’t say disaster until we see tonight’s numbers).

For Cruise, if “The Mummy” is a moderate hit, he’ll be more than happy. Cruise hasn’t had a real hit outside of the “Mission: Impossible” movies and “Edge of Tomorrow” for some time. If he can launch even a modest new franchise, there will be overall satisfaction.

Cannes– rather the Hotel duCap in Antibes–braces again for the annual amFAR AIDS party on Thursday night. For the third year in a row, amFAR is snubbing their most recognized cheerleader celebrity, actress Sharon Stone. After years of being the face of amFAR fundraising, Stone has been systematically shut out by the most recent regime of the party-loving charity.

amFAR is not the biggest AIDS charity by any means. They’re just the most self-congratulatory. The Elisabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation is actually worth more than twice as much– $120 million, according to their most recent tax filing. Glaser doesn’t throw parties all over the world, pay a party planner nearly $600,000 a year  to arrange for celebrities (as amFAR does), or pay a CEO $600,000 (as amFAR does).

amFAR’s total assets, recorded in their 2015 tax filing (which covers 2014-15), were just around $53 million. But they know how to have a good time. Their CEO, Kevin Frost, was paid a startling $607,167 in 2015. Frost makes twice as much as the next highest paid amFAR staffer. Not bad. Total compensation of top execs came to $2.5 million. A baker’s dozen of execs make six figure salaries.

Total donations to amFar dropped in 2015 from the previous year by over $1 million. Nevertheless, everyone– including outside contractors– got raises.

amFAR gives a lot of money to hospitals and research centers, certainly. But they’re not always successful. In 2014-15 they gave $550,000 to the Vaccine and Gene Therapy Institute of Port St Lucie, Florida. Then the Vaccine and Gene Therapy Institute promptly went out of business. amFAR invested a similar amount in the Institute a year earlier.

And what about these snazzy events you read about? Well, in total amFAR said on their 2015 tax filing that their events finished in the red– negative $10.2 million. The Cannes event in 2015 incurred about $5 million in direct expenses including entertainment, rental fees at the Hotel DuCap, and “other direct expenses” of about $2.5 million. They know how to live it up, too. One of amFAR’s biggest expenses listed for 2015 was travel: a smidge over $1 million. In Cannes, amFAR is known for shuttling staff and celebs around in private cars.

Tickets to tomorrow night’s gala help pay for all this stuff. The tickets are very expensive (unless you’re a celebrity, in which case they’re free).

For some reason there’s a report circulating that Taylor Swift either chartered a plane for Ariana Grande to come home from Manchester, England or sent her own private plane. Neither story is true.

The source of this miscommunication comes from the Daily Mail, of course. They decided that the plane from which Grande disembarked in Boca Raton, Florida looked like a plane they’d seen Taylor Swift on. Hence, a “story.”

Live Nation, Grande’s tour promoter, put her on their plane for the ride home. Grande has a tour plane– how do people think she got to England, on United Airlines? Live Nation flew her to the UK, was flying her all over for her tour, and then bringing her home.

How Taylor Swift wound up in the story– well, it’s like the old days of PhotoPlay, when movie publicists would plant stories about their stars. These items made the stars seem like gods who helped each other out.

Always remember when reading about celebrities– they pay for nothing. The studios, record companies, and tour promoters always pick up the tab. And it’s charged back to you later.