Comedian and actress Sandra Bernhard says her one appearance on the “Roseanne” reboot was cut  to shreds and that she hasn’t heard from the embattled star since she shot the episode last year.

Bernhard made a brilliant appearance last night at East Hampton’s Guild Hall where, for 75 minutes, she let loose on everyone including people in the audience and Hamptonites in general. Some of the show was scripted with set  pieces but much was ad libbed, and hilarious. Bernhard is never mean, but she can go in for kill and come out of it bloodless.

It wasn’t far into the set when Roseanne’s came up. Bernhard said that she’d had a great scene with Estelle Parsons, who plays Barr’s mother on the show. “But they cut the whole thing out, and I was like okayyyy,” she said. She said that basically Barr was crazy, that years ago she’d visited her in rehab, that the comic “lived badly” in Hawaii, and that she was currently staying with her parents in Utah. “Do you remember when she accused them of sexually molesting her?” she asked the audience. “I wonder how they feel about that now.”

The set pieces included witty takes on QVC presenters. She also began the set with a gentle jab at Melania Trump. Bernard also gave a few zetses to the Hamptons crowd, chiding the audience over their “resistance.”

I hadn’t seen a Sandra Bernhard show in about 25 years. I was so impressed, and the audience loved her. She’s retained a lot of her edge, and is as current as possible. She’s also a terrific rock singer, and comes with a three piece band. (Her pianist and music guy has been with her since 1985.) I was thinking I’d say Sandra Bernhard is the Patti Smith of comedians. But she beat me to it by closing the show rocking out a blistering performance Patti’s “People Got the Power.” Other songs included “Downtown Train,” Neil Diamond’s “Hot August Nights,” and “Manic Depression.”

There’s no question that after more than three decades, Bernhard is a gifted performer. It’s time, I think, for some higher career retrospective love. (Netflix?) This girl is on fire.

Some cockamamie story emanated from Megyn Kelly’s awful TV show yesterday that came out all botched like a whispered part of a “telephone” game.

I can tell you what really happened: Johansson, like a lot of actresses, were brought to the Scientology Celebrity Centre in the spring of 2005 to audition for “Mission Impossible 3.” Many of them realized later that they’d also been brought there as potential girlfriends for Tom Cruise. Katie Holmes was one of those actresses. She got the girlfriend job. Michelle Monaghan got the part.

Other actresses who told stories later like this included Jennifer Garner. If you recall, later, it was reported that Cruise started calling Garner with an idea of dating her. Ben Affleck told Cruise to buzz off, or else. (This was back before Affleck and Garner’s marriage and divorce.)

All these stories turned up years later in Lawrence Wright’s award winning book, “Going Clear.” Cruise also had a Scientology fix up with actress Nazanin Boniadi.

Johansson herself told me that she’d been brought to the Celebrity Center to meet Cruise for “Mission Impossible 3” and and kept there for around eight hours. There was a lavish meal set with her and Cruise. They showed her around the facility and offered to give her an e-meter test. (I can’t remember if she took it.)  Johansson was horrified. She sensed something else was going on, had no intention of becoming a Scientologist or Cruise’s girlfriend. She’s a New York girl. She bolted. End of story.

Scarlett certainly didn’t “go on an audition to become Tom Cruise’s girlfriend.” No one did. No one new that’s what Cruise or Scientology had in mind. The Cruise marriage to Nicole Kidman had ended five years before. In that time, there had been public “fix ups” with Penelope Cruz, and with Sofia Vergara. Cruise was about to embark on publicity for “War of the Worlds.” He needed arm candy. After he “obtained” Katie Holmes, of course, there was a ton of publicity. Eventually Cruise went couch jumping on “Oprah” and fought with Matt Lauer on “Today.”

The rest, as they say, is misery.

Here is what I wrote on June 21, 2oo5:

The newly engaged Katie Holmes still has some explaining to do to her friends and family.

There were 16 days in April during which no one seems to know where she was.

Holmes made a public appearance on April 4 at the premiere of “Steel Magnolias” on Broadway.

She came with her publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnick, and a couple of other friends. They were there to support Rebecca Gayheart, who was making her Broadway debut.

I know this because I spoke to Holmes at length during the play’s intermission. She said she had just moved into her New York apartment and was looking forward to seeing the city.

I also know that on April 4, she had not yet made the acquaintance of Tom Cruise. She briefly dated Josh Hartnett after breaking up with actor Chris Klein.

Hartnett, Klein, Cruise: Which of these three is not like the others?

Klein and Hartnett are young and tall. Cruise is middle-aged and height-challenged.

On the other hand, he’s the biggest movie star in the world. They are not.

Holmes was busy during that first week in April. On April 7, she was photographed at the Fragrance Foundation’s FiFi event.

Four days later, Holmes was still in New York and was photographed at VH1’s “Save the Music” concert. She still had not met Cruise.

Sometime that week, her friends say, she flew to Los Angeles for a meeting with Cruise about a role in “Mission: Impossible 3.” The meeting took place after April 11.

The next time anyone heard from Holmes was on April 27, when she appeared in public as Cruise’s girlfriend and love of his life.

Where was she during those 16 days?

Somewhere during that time, she decided to fire both her manager and agent, each of whom she had been with for years and who were devoted to her.

The manager, John Carrabino, also handles Renée Zellweger and is beloved by his clients.

Holmes also acquired a new best friend, Jessica Feshbach, the daughter of Joe Feshbach, a controversial Palo Alto, Calif., bond trader.

The Feshbach family, according to published documents, has donated millions to the Church of Scientology. Jessica’s aunt even runs a Scientology center in Florida.

According to Richard Behar‘s now famous 1991 story in Time magazine about Scientology, the Feshbachs were the subject of congressional hearings in 1989.

Behar wrote: “The heads of several companies claimed that Feshbach operatives have spread false information to government agencies and posed in various guises — such as a Securities and Exchange Commission official — in an effort to discredit the companies and drive the stocks down.

“Michael Russell, who ran a chain of business journals, testified that a Feshbach employee called his bankers and interfered with his loans. Sometimes the Feshbachs send private detectives to dig up dirt on firms, which is then shared with business reporters, brokers and fund managers.”

The risk-taking Feshbachs, known the world over for making their fortune “shorting” stocks, and the level-headed, conservative Holmeses would be a difficult mix at a dinner table.

Katie’s father, Martin Holmes, is the senior partner in a large and respected Toledo, Ohio, law firm. His son, Martin Jr., has recently joined the firm. He’s a Harvard graduate. Katie’s mom, Kathy, is frequently cited in Toledo for her charity work.

There is some fear among Holmes’ close circle that her instant romance with Cruise is not as organic as portrayed.

For one thing, Holmes was raised a strict Catholic. Also, gone from the picture are two close Holmes friends who used to be with her when she did publicity for a film.

One of these is Meghann Birie, a childhood friend who has suddenly disappeared from Holmes’ world. Another, a local TV producer here in New York, was too afraid to discuss the situation with me.

We know that Cruise auditioned several actresses for this role before settling on Holmes. This column reported a story about Jennifer Garner. There have been published stories about Kate Bosworth, Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Alba being approached.

A newer one involves Scarlett Johansson, who ran for her life when presented with a fait accompli dinner at the Scientology Celebrity Centre in Hollywood.

And history has been rewritten since the April 27 unveiling.

Curiously, since the Cruise-Holmes situation popped up, we have heard over and over again that Cruise was the young actress’ idol when she was growing up.

That’s certainly interesting because all of the publicity that used to run on Holmes — still found all over the Internet — lists another Tom as her favorite actor.

That would be Tom Hanks.

Joseph Jackson’s family is mourning his death. His grandchildren have seen a different side of him than his actually children. His wife, Katherine, tried to divorce him a couple of times. His children– Michael and LaToya especially– accused him of abuse on many occasions. The Jackson grandchildren will never know what really happened unless their parents admit them. Luckily, the grandchildren have had such different lives, with mostly a lot of support from their parents.

In 2001, I asked Joseph Jackson about punishing his children.
I asked him though about his parental philosophy. “You have to be strict with kids,” he said. “There’s nothing wrong with punishment as long as you know how to punish.”

What would be a typical punishment? “Beat his back,” Joe Jackson replied before I could even get the question out.

This is what I wrote on October 29th, 2004:

Michael Jackson’s teen years have been profiled in books and movies. But until now, it’s never been revealed that his parents, Katherine and Joseph, were nearly divorced when he was 15 years old.

According to legal documents obtained by this column, Katherine Jackson, disgusted by her husband’s philandering, obtained a petition for divorce on March 9, 1973, and filed it with the Los Angeles County clerk.

According to several people I’ve spoken with in the last few days, Katherine Jackson was finally convinced to rescind the divorce papers at the urging of elders at her Jehovah’s Witnesses church.

Katherine also attempted to divorce her husband in or around 1979, but again was persuaded to drop the action, my sources said.

One motivation for Katherine’s unhappiness, at least in the second instance, was the revelation that her husband had fathered a love child with his mistress.

That child, a girl named Joh’Vonnie Jackson, is now 30, lives with Joseph Jackson in Las Vegas and for some time worked at that city’s McCarran International Airport. Joh’Vonnie’s mother is Cheryl Terrell.

Joseph Jackson’s extramarital affairs, including one with a Motown Records assistant named Gina Sprague, have been detailed in a TV movie about the Jackson family as well as in several books, including one by the Jacksons’ daughter La Toya.

In her 1990 memoir “Growing Up in the Jackson Family,” La Toya wrote that during the tumultuous early ’70s, when the Jackson 5 were busy accumulating hits and touring all over the world, her mother never considered divorce. The papers indicate otherwise.

“That was all in La Toya’s book,” Jackson’s spokeswoman told me yesterday and promised to get back to me.

Joh’Vonnie Jackson, according to my sources, has held several positions at McCarran Airport, including working as a baggage handler. She is not included in Jackson family events and has never visited Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch.

When the Jackson siblings appear in court together to show solidarity for Michael, Joh’Vonnie is not present. As far as I can tell, neither Michael nor Janet has ever referred to Joh’Vonnie in any interviews.

On Katherine Jackson’s 1973 divorce petition, she listed the five of her nine children who were still minors at the time: La Toya, Marlon, Michael, Steven (aka Randy) and Janet.

Rebbie, Tito, Jackie, and Jermaine were all over 18 by that time. Joh’Vonnie, the youngest child of Joseph Jackson, is eight years the junior of Janet, who was born in 1966.

Even though neither of Katherine Jackson’s divorce petitions was ever finalized, the couple do not live together, insiders say.

Katherine spends most of her time in Encino, Calif., and Joseph lives in Las Vegas. His wife was not present this year when he had his annual birthday bash in Sin City.