Stuart Woods always starts novels in Elaine’s, and very often Elaine Kaufman is a character in the books. But now that Elaine has departed this Earth for bigger hostess duties, and the buildings that housed the place have been off for nearly $9 million (make way, Dunkin Donuts or Picasso Nails, or both), Woods has a dilemma. His answer can be seen on the cover of his new one, “Unnatural Acts.” The new cover is seen to the left. This new Stone Barrington mystery will be published by Putnam on April 24, 2012. Meantime, some regulars of Elaine’s are helping put together an Elaine Kaufman Foundation, already registered as a 501 c3 charity. Details are forthcoming. In Kaufman’s will, she specified that her estate set up a foundation for childhood literacy. But this group is independent of that. Kaufman was famous for nurturing writers, letting them run up huge bar and food tabs, and then ripping them up.
Top Oscar Contenders–The Artist, Midnight in Paris–Long for Each Other’s Worlds
Isn’t it interesting that the top Oscar contenders–“The Artist” and “Midnight in Paris”–want what the other has? “The Artist” is made by French filmmakers who long for Hollywood’s yesteryear and made the film in Los Angeles. They don’t send it up. They love it, and breathe it. The movie is so flawless in its execution by Michel Hazanavicius that you fell all of them–the act0rs and the characters–have stepped into the world of silent film in Hollywood in the late 1920s.
And then there’s the Woody Allen film, made by Hollywood people in Paris. They long for Paris in the 20s so much that Owen Wilson‘s Gil simply slips back in time to Paris at roughly the time Jean DuJardin’s George Valentin is making his movie in Hollywood. Indeed, if Valentin had gone home to Paris during a break from filming his silent movies, he might have run into Gil, Hemingway, the Fitzgeralds, Picasso and his mistress Adrianna.
Of course, the kicker in “Midnight in Paris”–and why Woody Allen’s movie is so insightful–is that everyone yearns for a better time in the past. Gil wills himself into Paris of the 1920s. But Adrianna, who lives in the 1920s, only wants to be part of Paris’s Belle Epoque in the late 1890s. When she and Gil arrive there, Gaugin, Degas, and Toulouse Lautrec grumble about how unimaginative their era is to them. And then the best laugh of the season–and I hope one that is used as a clip for one of the awards shows–the modern day detective hired by Gil’s father in law to be, wandering by accident into the Louvre, disturbing Napoleon and Marie Antoinette and Louis the 16th having dinner. “Sorry, I took a wrong turn,” he says. It’s the best punch line of 2011.
A lot of the films of 2011 are about longing for the past. “Tree of Life” is about the 1950s in Texas (and the formation of the universe in mind numbing detail). “War Horse” is set in World War I. “Hugo” also comes from the earlier part of the 20th century. It’s probably a coincidence, but inadvertently it does say something about needing an escape from the present. How nice to see a bunch of films in which no one can flip open a cell phone, or discover the answer to a question by consulting a handheld device. The Academy responds to these films just as much as the audience. I think last year it had a lot to do with “The King’s Speech” being so warmly received, while “The Social Network” failed to resonate with Oscar voters. There’s something to be said for embracing a moment in time.
Van Halen Looks Ready for Grammy Week Launch
Get ready, because 2012 is going to seem like 1984. Van Halen is coming back. You remember Van Halen: Eddie and his brother Alex. Only back in 1984, when David Lee Roth was the lead singer, Eddie was married to reigning TV queen Valerie Bertinelli. Their son, Wolfgang, was born in 1991. Now hear this: Van Halen the band, with a reunited Roth, Eddie’s brother Alex, and Wolfgang, have finished a new album for Interscope. It was recorded all year — especially last winter and then mixed, and remixed–at Henson Studios in Hollywood with producer John Shanks.
Going by the enigmatic art work they’ve unveiled, the album will be released on February 7th, the Tuesday before the Grammy Awards. All signs point to a “surprise” appearance on the Grammy broadcast the following Sunday, February 12th. You can absolutely imagine producer Ken Ehrlich salivating over a show that opens with the first notes of “Jump”–especially since the rest of the show is going to be overrun by this week’s chart “acts.” (Maybe he can get the Van Halens to play with every group.)
The definite news: Van Halen tour tickets go on sale January 10th. All of this should be quite amusing considering that Roth, who always fought with Bertinelli, is said to despise her son. According to my sources, during the long, long time it took to make this album, Roth wouldn’t even speak to young Wolfie. (He turns 21 in March 2012, by the way. Feel old?) When they were recording last winter, the word was that Roth would not be in the studio when Wolfie was laying down bass guitar tracks.
So this should be as much fun as the Police reunion from several years ago, which also launched on the Grammy show. The only upside I can think of with a new Van Halen album and tour? That Roy Orbison‘s estate will get a lot of money for “(Oh) Pretty Woman,” which Van Halen covered in its heyday. The big question? Will the Van Halens let Roth, now 90 years old, perform his previously ironic medley (because he was young and they were songs associated with an older generation) “Just a Gigolo/Ain’t Got Nobody”?
There are many variables here, by the way. Van Halen had been rumored to appear on the Grammy nominations show on November 30th. But that was scotched and then denied. Their infighting is so notorious that it’s still possible none of this will come off as planned. The album that’s coming was almost on Columbia/Sony after not being on Warner Bros., their old label.
And the other irony: the Grammys are really a production of AEG Live at the Staples Center, an AEG house. But Van Halen is a Live Nation act. But it’s only rock and roll. As they sing in “Jump”: “You got to roll with the punches and get to what’s real.”
By the way two identical websites — www.van-halen.com and www.davidleeroth.com–tour the new tour tickets and direct to each other.
Sinead O’Connor’s Latest Husband: Something Compared to Him
In Sinead O’Connor‘s most famous song, “No One Compares 2 U,” she sings: “It’s been seven hours and fifteen days/Since you took your love away.” Now reports come that Sinead’s most recent marriage–in Las Vegas, with lots of hoopla–is over after just about that amount of time. The marriage lasted 18 days, according to her website. Something apparently compared to Barry whatever his name was.
She writes: “Dear friends, I had for reasons u will all understand, wished to keep this private but have been told today it is to be leaked in the next few days despite my best efforts. So I must now leak it myself so as the record is straight.
“Within 3 hours of the ceremony being over the marriage was kyboshed by the behaviour of certain people in my husband’s life. And also by a bit of a wild ride i took us on looking for a bit of a smoke of weed for me wedding night as I don’t drink. My husband was enormously wounded and very badly effected by that experience and also by the attitude of those close to him toward our marriage. It became apparent to me that if he were to stay with me he would be losing too much to bear.”
O’Connor notes, “A woman wants to be a joy to her husband. So.. U love someone? Set them free.”
She finishes her advisory: “He is a wonderful man. I love him very much. I’m sorry I’m not a more regular woman. I truly believe though it is painful to admit, we made a mistake rushing into getting married, for altruistic reasons, and weren’t aware or prepared for the consequences on my husband’s life and the lives of those close to him. He has been terribly unhappy and I have therefore ended the marriage. I think he is too nice to do so. And too nice to trap.”
And so Sinead beats Kim Kardashian and Kim Humphries, winning the title of shortest celebrity marriage of 2011. It wasn’t an easy task, coming in at the very end of the year. But this should prove that perseverance always pays off.
Box Office: Monday Was Huge, with “Mission: Impossible” and “War Horse” Booming
Box office: Christmas weekend was desultory. But Monday, the day after, was a win win for nearly every film in release except for “Extemely Loud and Incredibly Close.” All other films were way up on Monday over Sunday, with “Mission Impossible 4–Ghost Protocol” increasing its audience 23% over the previous day. “MI4” has almost $77 million banked after 11 days. And folks Steven Spielberg‘s “War Horse” ponyed up $7.5 million for the second day in a row, give the film $15 million in two days. “War Horse” has now established itself on the inside track. Meanwhile, Oscar buzzed “The Artist” directed by Michel Hazanavicius had a great day in its limited release on Monday. with a 25% increase over Sunday. “The Artist” is going to be an interesting release, because once people sit down and see it, they love it. And movies for kids went crazy on Monday, with both “The Adventures of Tin” and “The Muppets Movie” almost doubling their Sunday figures. I still think that the Oscar race is shaping up between “The Artist” and “War Horse.” They also have the best soundtracks.
The Artist:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2CUVBAS0Nk&feature=related
War Horse:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybQ1AriiEIc&feature=list_related&playnext=1&list=SPF988AC5BE88CADB8
Box Office Surprise: Spielberg’s “War Horse” Number 1 Original Film Christmas Day
Steven Spielberg‘s having a nice holiday. According to Disney, his film version of “War Horse” came in at number 3 on Christmas Day. On its first day of release, “War Horse” was second only in per screen averages to “Mission Impossible.” It took in $7.5 million and came in third overall behind the sequel to “Sherlock Holmes.” And since “War Horse” is an original film, and “MI” is the fourth in its series, the Spielberg film was technically the #1 new film at the box office.
And Spielberg accounted for two of the top original films since his stop capture animated “Adventures of Tin Tin” is doing well, too. But “Tin Tin” already made its money internationally, with around $250 million banked. “Tin Tin” was released abroad first and raked in its money because Paramount and the producers knew the characters were known and popular there. Here in America, “Tin Tin” is a specialty story; audiences are just learning about the characters. It was genius, really, to go take Europe first.
“War Horse” is a cinch for many Oscar nominations, by the way, having already picked up some Golden Globe nods and various other inclusions on top 10 lists. There’s talk of Joey the horse competing with Uggie the Dog from “The Artist.” This would make the Oscars a dog and pony show for real!
Lady Gaga Raunchy F-Rated Lyrics Even Mention Justin Bieber
Here are the lyrics to Lady Gaga’s new song, “Stuck on Fucking You.” They’re from her website. It’s a fun song, but parents of younger teens and smaller kids who’ve come to idolize all the fun of Lady Gaga may be a little shocked. Imagine explaining this to your kid. Remember when this kind of thing was an underground bootleg that was hard to find? Now it’s advertised as a Christmas gift to the world. The song even mentions Justin Bieber, another teen icon. Kids, those days of innocence are over!
Got no plans, got no clothes
Got no piano, we got no shows
No, I got nothing to do
But to be stuck on you
Got no flights outta here
Got no TV shows until next year
No, I got nothing to do but to be stuck on you
Baby, you’re my liquor
I’m addicted to you
So I’ll just be stuck on, stuck on fucking you
Stuck on fucking you
I don’t ever want just another boy or a girl
Baby you and I, baby you and I could change the world
I don’t ever want just another boy or a girl to love
I’m stuck, stuck on you
Got all night, no cameras
We’ve got no champagne but we’ve got drugs
No, I’ve got nothing to do
But to be stuck on you
Purple sheets, cymbal clock
Gonna spend my time rocking on top
Yea, I got nothing to do
But to be stuck on you
Baby you’re my Johnny Walker, baby it’s true
So I’ll just be stuck on, stuck on fucking you
Stuck on fucking you
I don’t ever want just another boy or a girl
Cause baby you and I, baby you and I could change the world
I don’t ever want just another boy or a girl to love
I’m stuck, stuck on you
Got no plans, got no flights
Out of here, no t.v. shows
But we got mice in the kitchens
So we don’t care cause we’re in love
You’re in the shower, I meet you there
I buy you some hippie shit from the Deli downstairs
Lovin on my man’s space, so good
Don’t forget me baby
Don’t forget me when I leave and go outdoor
Cause I know your laugh will be a sore
You’ll be on stuck fucking this hooker/whore
This hooker, who who
Got no nothing, you’re in the next room
You fell asleep on my .. bed
But me and Fernando and Paul will just spend the day of making music
But I missed you
The fridge is broken but drinking warm champagne
But we don’t care cause we’ll in Minnesota
And we sold our show again
She´s too young and crazy too
He´s too old and torn out through
He is broken not ill insured
Her life´s a monster like on extacy
But if you think they will not do
Their path to heaven bogaloo
You´re just lost as non believer
And have to go to justin bieber…
“Tower Heist” Failure: Is that the End of Eddie Murphy?
The tragedy of “Tower Heist”: a star packed action flick that’s made a disappointing $125 million worldwide. It should have made twice that number. And it had to, with big paydays for Eddie Murphy, Ben Stiller, director Brett Ratner, decent checks to Matthew Broderick, Casey Affleck, et al. The production budget came to around $125 million. After all, they re-staged the Macys Thanksgiving Day parade here in New York.
And what does it mean for Eddie Murphy? He was/is one of the most effective comedians ever. His one man stand up shows in the 1980s were amazing. Even his smallish role in “Tower Heist” showed glimmers of his genius. But as a movie star, it does seem like he is done as leading man. His presence in the “Tower Heist” promotions didn’t do much to help the film. Its $75 million US take (and its $50 million international) suggests that for Eddie, his name means less than it ever did to audiences as incentive for spending money at the box office.
Murphy has not had a real hit of his own since 2003 with “Daddy Day Care.” Prior to that. two sequels– to “The Nutty Professor” and “Dr. Dolittle”–in 2001 and 2000, were just over $100 million hits respectively. Hard to believe but those years were a decade ago.
But look at the rest of his resume–“Imagine That,” “Meet Dave,” “Pluto Nash,” “I Spy,” “Showtime”– it’s a list that isn’t even wanted in bins of $2 DVDs. “Pluto Nash” made under $5 million–isn’t that what Eddie spends on vacations? If it weren’t for the animated, ensemble “Shrek” films, his name would have disappeared a long time ago. Granted, “Dreamgirls” was a hit and garnered him an Oscar nomination. But Murphy didn’t seem to get it, or to like it very much. When he lost the Oscar, he got up and exited the Kodak Theater in a huff.
And Murphy made no effort to follow up “Dreamgirls” with a project that signaled his interest in extending his career or capitalizing on the momentum. The dreadful “Norbit” came out during his Oscar campaign and made $95 million by piggybacking on the Oscar press. But it was also considered the reason he lost the Oscar to Alan Arkin in “Little Miss Sunshine.”
Long long ago no are the days of “Beverly Hills Cop,” “48 Hrs,” their sequels, and “Trading Places.” Murphy is probably very, very rich so none of this matters financially to him. His next film, called “A Thousand Words,” doesn’t seem like it will do much to help the situation. The plot sounds like it’s a reworked “Liar Liar” (the old Jim Carrey comedy). And it’s leftover from Dreamworks’ Paramount deal.
Lady Gaga’s F Word Christmas Song Present to Fans
Lady Gaga–who apparently is also being sued by her former assistant–gave her fans a present on Saturday night. It was a new song she put up on YouTube. Taken from the unreleased tracks from “Born this Way,” the song–catchy and well sung, of course- features the F word in the title. “I’m Stuck On F—-in’ You” can be seen here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXje0s_bOa4.
Gaga writes on the YouTube entry: “So to give you a little background to the creation of this song. I wrote it in Minnesota after the Monster Ball on the tour bus. We recorded it in one shot. Fernando on guitar, Paul on Drum Machine. I wrote, sang it, and freestyled the last minute + a half of the song.”
Is it vulgar. crass, coarse? Yes. Yup, it is. Of course, I am over 50. When the Rolling Stones tried to released “Starf—-ker” it came out as “Star Star.” But that was a long time ago. Enrique Iglesias had the word featured in a song this year. Gaga’s song also featured the word “shit,” which I will print here. She’s so talented, but will do anything to get attention. Just anything. Maybe she’s worried because Madonna is coming out with her new single soon.
Why does she do it? Baby, she was born that way. Says a lot.
Someone wrote on YouTube that this reminded them of Janis Joplin. Uh, no, not really. Not so much, to use 2011’s most overused phrase.
2011: Remembering Our Friends
Well, I just watched the “Hail and Farewell” portion of the “CBS Sunday Morning” show. It was pretty good, including my friends Phoebe Snow and Nikolas Ashford, as well as Sidney Lumet. It’s hard to believe they’re gone. I can only hope that Phoebe and Nik are up in heaven, concertizing with Clarence Clemons.
But the CBS show–and certainly today’s New York Times magazine–missed a couple of people who were maybe less famous or important to them but incredibly missed. Elaine Kaufman died on December 3, 2010 and missed the Times deadline last year. I guess this year there wasn’t enough room for her. But we made sure Elaine got a great send off on November 30th when Dick Cavett hosted her memorial at Merkin Hall. Despite the imminent announcement that the buildings housing her 47 year old legendary restaurant have been sold (hello Dunkin Donuts or Bank of America!), Elaine will never be forgotten.
Last March, my friend Frank Dileo had open heart surgery at Cedars Sinai Hospital. That night he had a stroke in his asleep, and never awoke. In August he died after several months of restless sleep. Frank invented the Michael Jackson of “Thriller” and “Bad” fame. He managed Michael through the highs of his career, and no matter what happened he was the man upon whom Michael counted for counsel. Frank is often pictured with a stogie in his mouth, and tales of his wild life in the record business are notorious. But he was also a great, great friend, father, husband. There hasn’t been a day this year that I haven’t thought of him or talked to him. (And yes, he’s answered back.)
One other loss from the record exec side: Steve Popovich, who was Frank’s good pal from Cleveland and the man behind Meat Loaf. Steve sued Columbia Records several times and won each time, over his portion of the Meat Loaf money. He was a champion of the little guy in the music biz who helped create a superstar and then got trampled over and over by the labels.
A couple more friends, who came from the music biz. My neighbor and pal, Sunny Ralfini, who started out by managing Blood Sweat & Tears, and wound up running the Nordoff Robbins Foundation for auditory deficits. Boy, do I miss Sunny, whose name perfectly described her disposition. And Barbara Orbison, who died this month after a short, fierce battle with pancreatic cancer. She was a magnificent mother and widow (of Roy Orbison), making sure Roy had a postal stamp (coming in 2012) and a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
 There were others–Sidney Lumet, who directed “Serpico” and “Dog Day Afternoon,” is sorely missed. Also gone: Gladys Horn and Marv Tarplin of Motown fame, Dobie Gray who sang “Drift Away,” famed filmmaker Ricky Leacock, music publishing legend Donnie Kirshner; and both of the men credited with writing the Rolling Stones’ hit “Time is On My Side”–Jerry Ragavoy and Jimmy Norman. I’m sure they’re still debating it in heaven, where time is endless.