Pigs are flying.
It’s end of days.
The Criterion Channel — which movie fans hold in high regard — has made an excruciatingly strange choice for a celebration next month.
The esteemed group is going to highlight Madonna’s truly terrible acting in movies.
They’re showing three movies featuring the famous pop star including “Desperately Seeking Susan,” “Body of Evidence,” and “Dangerous Game.”
The first one, directed by Susan Seidelman, is the outlier and easily the best of the trio. But it’s really more about Seidelman and Rosanna Arquette than Madonna.
The other two are historically and hysterically unwatchable.
“Body of Evidence,” from 1992, has an 8% on Rotten Tomatoes. I was there when it premiered, and we howled at this bizarre movie that otherwise had a stellar cast including Willem Dafoe and Julianne Moore.
“Dangerous Game” was also called “Snake Eyes” back in 1993. Abel Ferrara, who is is an acquired taste to begin with, directed Madonna and Harvey Keitel to a 33% on Rotten Tomatoes. I believe this one, or “Body of Evidence,” that features wax dripping during a sex scene.
There were so many better choices like “Swept Away,” “W.E.,” and so on for bad Madonna movies. For better ones, there’s always “Dick Tracy,” and “A League of Their Own.” But Criterion could have gone for “Shanghai Surprise” or “Bloodhounds of Broadway.”
Madonna is a great entertainer and personality. She’s an okay singer. She’s a terrible actress. Maybe Criterion will feature her in the Criterion Closet, picking out her favorite movies. That would be worth watching!
