Does anyone really know what time it is? Tom Ford’s fashion show was scheduled for 7pm sharp. Most of the A list guests made it on time. But two missed almost all of it, and one missed most of it. They would be Beyonce and Jay Z, and Jennifer Lopez. Amazing.
The 13 minute salute to a designer who charges $1000 for sneakers and $3000 for belts took place on North Cahuenga in Hollywood, a sort of warehouse district in the middle of nowhere. The cast of characters began arriving at 6:30pm. Olivia Wilde was the most punctual, followed by Julianne Moore, Amy Adams, Reese Witherspoon (who required a lot of assistants to guide her from the limo into the low slung building), James Corden, Gwyneth Paltrow, Rob Lowe, Fergie and Josh Duhamel, Elton John and David Furnish, Ingrid Sischy and Sandy Brant, Rita Ora, Scarlett Johansson, Jason Statham, CNN’s Don Lemon, Anjelica Huston, Brad Grey, Nicole Richie, and Vivi Nevo.
Even Naomi Campbell made it on time, even though she was just on the edge. The clock had ticked to 7:15pm. Miley Cyrus in sheer black arrived with Patrick Schwarzenegger, who was styled in black velvet to match her. (Eunice and Sargent Shriver are rolling in their graves.)
Nearly all of them arrived in matching, hulking black SUVs.
And then the scene outside the entrance got crazy. “We’re holding the show!” barked a whippet thin young man in the slimmest men’s “suit” ever into a phone. Who were they waiting for? More minutes ticked by. A steel plated Rolls Royce pulled up, and out popped Jennifer Lopez, looking like she was just off a snazzy magazine cover. Many of the photographers had left. Lopez and her team darted into the building. But just as they did, surprise! Jared Leto, wearing a hat, seemed to appear out of nowhere. It was unclear if he’d come on his own, from another vehicle, or the other side of Lopez’s tank. He moved like a panther, no team, and whisked his way into the building.
Inside, Lopez had the red carpet all to herself. She took some lonely pix and went on inside.
But that was not it. “We are still holding the show!” cried Whippet Man. But for whom? For what? And now it was 7:20pm. Some music could be heard. Was the show starting without the main guests? It seemed so.
The white rose pedals began falling at 7:33pm. How do we know? Thanks to actress Rita Wilson, watching the live stream from New York and Tweeting until her screen froze at 7:43pm. She missed the last 2 minutes of the Ford pageant. But she wasn’t the only one: Beyonce and Jay Z, the King and Queen of their own universe, arrived. Whippet Man and a five security guys galloped from the main entrance around the side, where the Homecoming Couple decided to enter instead of being seen by… no one. The time was 7:35pm. If they saw any part of the show, at most it was five minutes. At most.
And then, the reverse march back to the valets and the cars. No dinner for you, silly celebs. Elton John and David Furnish took Sischy and Brant and headed to Craig’s on Melrose, where no less a giant than Sidney Poitier was celebrating his 88th birthday with his family at a large back table. Jackie Bisset arrived at Craig’s and joined a jolly private party thrown by pr meisters Cindi Berger and Marion Koltai of PMK-BNC. Attack attorney Marty Singer sat in the main room with Dog the Bounty Hunter, dressed in character (or as himself).
And that, my friends, was Friday night of Oscar weekend 2015.
photo via Facebook/Norah Lawlor “Jennifer Lopez all alone on the red carpet”