Friday, April 19, 2024

Taylor Swift Guarantees Many New Albums of Songs, Ends 6 Year Relationship with Actor Boyfriend Joe Alwyn


Everything comes to a natural conclusion, and so it is with Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn.

The blonde couple had been dating for six years. Alwyn even got to the point where he was getting songwriting credits on her recent albums. If he owns his publishing, he’ll be getting checks forever.

Swift is famous for writing songs about exes like John Mayer and Jake Gyllenhaal. With this breakup, Swift fans are guaranteed years and years of new failed romance songs, exigeses on ending long term relationships. The fans will be parsing these songs for years to come, even though no one else cares. Alwyn should prepare himself.

Swift, of course, is on a major tour through August 9th. And that’s just the first leg. She should be on tour for two years or more, around the world. Alwyn has a job — to make movies. It’s a classic “A Star is Born” story. If there hadn’t been pandemic, this probably would have happened two or three years ago.

Credit for the break up news I guess goes to Entertainment Tonight. Apparently Alwyn has been absent so far from the tour, which gave someone the idea they were kaput.

Some suggestions for new Swift beaus: Pete Davidson, of course, and Rupert Murdoch.

Roger Friedman
Roger Friedman
Roger Friedman began his Showbiz411 column in April 2009 after 10 years with Fox News, where he created the Fox411 column. His movie reviews are carried by Rotten Tomatoes, and he is a member of both the movie and TV branches of the Critics Choice Awards. His articles have appeared in dozens of publications over the years including New York Magazine, where he wrote the Intelligencer column in the mid 90s and covered the OJ Simpson trial, and Fox News (when it wasn't so crazy) where he covered Michael Jackson. He is also the writer and co-producer of "Only the Strong Survive," a selection of the Cannes, Sundance, and Telluride Film festivals, directed by DA Pennebaker and Chris Hegedus.

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