Saturday, May 25, 2024

Fake: Armie Hammer Circling Remake of Terrible 1960 Movie “All the Fine Young Cannibals” with Soundtrack by Group of Same Name


Armie Hammer is the talk of the tabloids.

Someone has posted a bunch of DM’s from Twitter in which he allegedly says to a lover, possibly a fan, that’s he’s a cannibal. Among other things.

But I’m told– this is a wild rumor– that Armie is going to play the Robert Wagner part in a remake of the very terrible 1960 faux Tennessee Williams movie, “All the Fine Young Cannibals.”

I’m even hearing that the soundtrack will be supplied by early 90s R&B pop group, “Fine Young Cannibals.” Their big, “She Drives Me Crazy,” will be played as the actress who takes the Natalie Wood role — this was the movie that first starred soon to be couple Wagner and Wood — makes her appearance.

The film features the immortal line, said by Wagner to Wood in a fake Southern accent: “If I can’t have you, then I wanna hurt you. And I will.” (No comment.)

“All the Fine Young Cannibals” was directed by Michael Anderson, who is actually still alive at age 98. He knows nothing about it the Tweets or a possible remake. Liza Minnelli’s father, and Judy Garland’s husband, Vincent Minnelli, also worked on the film but received no credit. Besides Wagner and Wood, George Hamilton is featured and Pearl Bailey actually sings!

Based on a novel by Rosamund Marshall that no one remembers, “All the Fine Young Cannibals” was a huge flop, losing all its money. But its legacy as a D movie inspired the group to take the name Fine Young Cannibals. They released one admired album, one mega hit, and broke up before they did anything else. But “She Drives Me Crazy,” “Good Times,” a cover of Elvis Presley’s “Suspicious Minds,” and “Johnny Come Home” are all classic hits.

Whether Hammer will sing in the remake remains unclear. Madonna is considering directing, and may co-star. (Again, I’m just making this up.) He may have to play the trumpet, as his character, Chad, is based loosely on famed jazz man Chet Baker.

Meantime, Armie will have to explain if the leaked Tweets are really his– that part really happened– and whether his personal interests extend beyond produce molestation (see Timothee Chalamet, “Call Me By Your Name.”)

Roger Friedman
Roger Friedman
Roger Friedman began his Showbiz411 column in April 2009 after 10 years with Fox News, where he created the Fox411 column. His movie reviews are carried by Rotten Tomatoes, and he is a member of both the movie and TV branches of the Critics Choice Awards. His articles have appeared in dozens of publications over the years including New York Magazine, where he wrote the Intelligencer column in the mid 90s and covered the OJ Simpson trial, and Fox News (when it wasn't so crazy) where he covered Michael Jackson. He is also the writer and co-producer of "Only the Strong Survive," a selection of the Cannes, Sundance, and Telluride Film festivals, directed by DA Pennebaker and Chris Hegedus.

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