We don’t want to be out of the loop.
All day and some of yesterday I’ve been receiving email after email from every institution and organization I’ve ever encountered. They all want me to know what they’re doing for me during this time of crisis.
This means Macys, GoDaddy, Google, Bloomingdales, a tailor I haven’t seen in years, art galleries, Banana Republic, banks, even Tavern on the Green has something to say about all this. Everyone is wishing me good luck and assuring me they are on top of it. They can’t cure the virus or stop it from spreading. But they’re cleaning themselves, which is not reassuring. How dirty were they in the first place? What other diseases could I have picked up in their stores prior to this? The Broadway theaters are getting “deep cleans.” Yikes! What about last fall? Or ten years ago?
So I feel incumbent to tell you about what I’m doing here at Showbiz411.com to keep our stories free from the corona virus. Wait. I am doing absolutely nothing. Nada. I mean, I am using hand sanitizer from Bigelow’s. I still have my cough from last year, but I’m not being showy about it, like, this is a vintage cough. I don’t want to make people feel bad. I’m trying to wear more cashmere, if possible. But it’s been a warm winter and some of my sweaters never really got used.
Basically, there is nothing I can do. I am actually looking for large gatherings where celebrities or people of interest will show up. I am thinking of having a party for 499 people. You can only come if you’re famous and feeling a little light headed. We will not test for any virus. But you’ll get a good item out of it. All I can really promise is to stay out of Corona, Queens, at least until it gets warmer and we visit the Ice King of Corona. Then all bets are off.