Sunday, May 19, 2024

Charlie Sheen Fired by CBS: “They continue to be in breach, like so many whales”


Our long national nightmare is over. Charlie Sheen has been fired from “Two and a Half Men.”Here’s what Charlie supposedly said upon getting the news: “This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of the bazillions, never have to look at whatshiscock again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension.”

Sheen’s weekend announcements that he and the show and creator Chuck Lorre were all going to get back together and smoke something– a peace pipe?– were just hallucinations. The show does not want him back. Assertions from “experts” that the show just made too much money to actually let Sheen stay were wrong. It didn’t seem possible that CBS or Warner Bros. (Les Moonves runs the former and used to run the latter) would bring Sheen back.

Frankly, from our polls on this site, and other opinions voiced elsewhere, CBS could easily replace Sheen and keep “Two and A Half Men” going–whether with John Stamos or half a dozen other actors who could be introduced as Jon Cryer’s cousin or an absent brother. They did it with Darren on “Bewitched”; it can be done. Now we wait for Sheen’s response–which should come quickly and loudly. So far his last Tweet was at 4pm EST; he’s looking for an intern.

Roger Friedman
Roger Friedman
Roger Friedman began his Showbiz411 column in April 2009 after 10 years with Fox News, where he created the Fox411 column. His movie reviews are carried by Rotten Tomatoes, and he is a member of both the movie and TV branches of the Critics Choice Awards. His articles have appeared in dozens of publications over the years including New York Magazine, where he wrote the Intelligencer column in the mid 90s and covered the OJ Simpson trial, and Fox News (when it wasn't so crazy) where he covered Michael Jackson. He is also the writer and co-producer of "Only the Strong Survive," a selection of the Cannes, Sundance, and Telluride Film festivals, directed by DA Pennebaker and Chris Hegedus.

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