Charlie Sheen might still have had a way back to “Two and a Half Men.” But he’s probably set off his last career bomb with a letter he sent to the show’s producer, Chuck Lorre, his arch enemy. Of course, Sheen sent the letter to TMZ because that’s the way to make friends and influence people when a private matter concerning millions of dollars and your own future is at stake. Here’s the letter:
“Good Luck Chuck
MY fans may tune in for a minute, but at the end of the day, no one
cares about your feeble show without me. Shame on you. Not even a
phone call to the man that put you on the map. The man that put 500
million dollars in your pockets. You were on your way out of Warner
Bros. with a buy out and a cup of cold coffee in your shaky and
clammy hands. And then I walked into your office. And you created a
show BASED ON MY AWESOME LIFE. I busted my ass for 8 years to
support your vision. Your dream. In turn, it is my nightmare. You sad
silly fool. A-hole pussy loser. Put on the gloves you low rent, nut-less
sociopath; I’ll beat your chicken shit soul in a court room into a state of
gratitude. A state of surrender. Something you left at the door every
time you blundered into the pathetic AA loser lounge. Newsflash; they
are planning on voting you off the AA island. Even those clowns have
no room for you anymore. Wow, I’m sure your children are SO
PROUD of you. You can teach’em how to be a stupid bitch.
A narcissist. A coward. A loser. A spineless rat.
I’m out here with my fans every night. The message is crystal clear;
NO CHARLIE SHEEN. NO SHOW.
And that’s exactly what it will be for you and your desperate vanity
cards, every Monday night, a no-show. The ratings right now are not a
fluke. It’s a big fat mess. A 2.0 demo? That sucks. Almost as bad as
you. You’ve been warned. Reap the whirl-wind you cockroach, reap it.
— Charlie Sheen”
Has anyone ever noticed that Chuck’s real name is Charles, and Charlie’s real name is Carlos?
Anyway, it’s over. Sheen will not return to “Two and a Half Men” now. There were lots of theories that CBS would intervene, move Lorre off “Men” with a new deal, bring back Sheen, and try to get through two more seasons. Doesn’t seem remotely possible now, does it? I told you on April 15th that the show was moving ahead without Charlie, that Jon Cryer already knew a new character played by a new actor would be joining him on set. I do think Charlie is wrong. If CBS waits til January, they can bring in a new actor and finish out the show’s contracts.
Sheen, meantime, heckled and booed at every stop, finishes up his embarrassing tour next week in Vancouver, British Columbia.