A Tiger Woods Movie? It’s ‘Nine’

Want to see a movie about the Tiger Woods scandal? You can, right now. It’s Rob Marshall’s “Nine.”

If you haven’t figured this out yet, then dig it: Guido, the film director in “Nine” played by Daniel Day-Lewis, is Tiger. His wife, Louisa, played by Marion Cotillard, is Elin.

And then it gets interesting.

Guido’s main mistress, Carla, is played by Penelope Cruz. She’s the Rachel Uchitel, let’s say, of Guido’s story.

And then as the women in Guido’s life pile up around him – Kate Hudson’s Stephanie, Nicole Kidman’s Lilli, etc. — you see the parallels. Want to know how Tiger juggled all those gals? Just watch Guido.

Of course, Tiger isn’t a good actor, which is how he’s found out. Even when Guido’s backed into a corner, he manages to lie his way out of it. And Guido even has a prostitute in his background — Saraghina, played by Fergie. The similarities are endless. Unfortunately, “Nine” takes place in 1965, before text messaging and cell phones. If Guido were faced with so much media technology, he would have been caught long before.

But just think: In the movie, Carla would do well to sell her story to the tabloids. And Stephanie already writes for Vogue. But back in 1965, sex was less venal. Those girls in the movie actually love Guido. Tiger’s posse was out for blood before they even met him.

Still, if I were Tiger, sitting in my Florida media room, wondering what to do next, I’d ask for a “Nine” DVD to get some instructions. Fast.