Best laugh of the weekend: a Brit tabloid’s assertion that Macaulay Culkin is the biological father of Blanket, Michael Jackson’s youngest child.

Are they kidding? This is as preposterous as Mark Lester being Paris’s father.

In each case, there isn’t even a slight hint of physical similarity. Forget that Culkin is blond and blue eyed, and that Blanket is dark and possibly Latino.

It makes no difference to the British press!

We can only imagine the laugh Culkin, who lives in New York’s West Village with his girlfriend, must have gotten.

Who’s next to be revealed as a bio parent of a Jackson child? Eggs from Tatum O’Neal? Sperm from Bubbles the Chimp?

As I’ve reported since 2005, Blanket is the product of Michael Jackson’s biological matter and a surrogate mother. The surrogate was chosen from a catalogue of names presented to Jackson by none other than Dr. Arnold Klein. Neither Dr. Klein, Mark Lester, Macaulay Culkin, nor Topo Gigio is the father.

Roger Friedman began his Showbiz411 column in April 2009 after 10 years with Fox News, where he created the Fox411 column. He wrote the Intelligencer column for NY Magazine in the mid 90s, reporting on the OJ Simpson trial, as well as for the real Parade magazine (when it was owned by Conde Nast), and has written for the New York Observer, Details, Vogue, Spin, the New York Times, NY Post, Washington Post, and NY Daily News among many publications. He is the writer and co-producer of "Only the Strong Survive," a selection of the Cannes, Sundance, and Telluride Film festivals, directed by DA Pennebaker and Chris Hegedus.

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