Home Movies Hollywood No Imagination: Matt Damon in Saving Private Ryan, on Mars This...

Matt Damon is too smart for this. So is Ridley Scott. Someone, please. Stop this madness. They’re going to make a movie called “The Martian.” Damon is stranded on Mars when he’s left behind by other astronauts. So NASA is sending a crack team to go after him, at all costs.

Okay, Matt Damon played Private Ryan in “Saving Private Ryan,” where he had to be rescued by Tom Hanks and friends. Also, Matt Damon opens next Friday in “Interstellar,” where he plays — wait for it– an astronaut who’s been left behind on some planet, and Matthew McConaughey goes to find him. Why not “My Favorite Martian?”

Call this “Saving Captain Watney.”

It’s bad enough that “Interstellar” is like a long not-sequel to “Gravity.” But really, isn’t there anything else these talented people can do with themselves? Oh, and get this: they’re going to have the Chinese Space Administration be key to the rescue so they can play the movie in China without censorship. And without MSG. Or maybe at  MSG! As Elvis Costello once put it: “I don’t how much more this I can take.”

This is why the box office is in the toilet, kids.

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