All the reports we’ve read and heard about Michael Jackson’s death, so far: untrue.

So says a very high-up source in the Los Angeles Police Department. According to the source, “nearly everything you’ve read so far about how Michael Jackson died or what’s going on now is fiction. You’ll notice we haven’t said one word so far officially.”

Included, they say, in the misinformation out there are the allegations of misappropriation of funds for the Jackson memorial at the Staples Center’the $1.4 million that the whole event may have cost and a charge that thousands of dollars were spent on sandwiches for LAPD cops.

So wait and see’eventually it will come out. Frankly, the importing of sandwiches does sound a little far-fetched. The event was over well before lunchtime!

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